Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Des Moines local does it again - two magazines in one year!


Cara desperately did not want me to post this - but then she realized the readership on the blog is about the size of the attendance of a HANSON revival concert and didn't care.

Cara and Shelley have made it into Workspan magazine - the image above is in the World at Work section (actually, the image they used has the girls running with their eyes closed - the photographer took several pictures - Cara sent me this one).

You might not recall but Cara was also on the cover of the Farm Bureau Annual Report!



I am not sure where her modeling career will take her - but I plan to be the coked-out boyfriend glomming along for the ride (with a sweet K-Fedish rap album to boot).

Yo

Monday, December 11, 2006

"It doesn't matter how big your tree is - it's what you can do with it that counts!"


Ol' Kern forwarded this on to me this weekend. Pure SCURBS gold!! I guess it was made back in 2003 - but I have never seen it!



Enjoy all - Merry Christmas!!


Yo

Friday, December 08, 2006

ATTENTION!!! This had to be posted!!!


This is from the Sly Stallone Q&A ove at AICN.

9. Sly:

No bigger fan here, and I am curious. What was your max on the bench press, squat, etc.? Back in the late 1980s-early-1990s you appeared to look the biggest/most massive.

Kirk


I used to be able to bench press around 385-400 lbs. and then I severely tore my right pectoral so under my arm I have 160 stitches and I had to have a window cut into my shoulder bone, and cable laced through the damage, and muscle pulled back to the bone where it was attached. That’s why I’m so vascular on one side. It might be interesting to note that I received this injury, I was stupid enough to get into a bench press contest with former Mr. Universe, Franco Columbo, who was considered one of the strongest men in the world. The accident happened in his garage, which was inhabited, believe it or not, by this demented-looking one-winged spotted owl. I couldn’t make this up. When my muscle exploded, I fell onto the floor. Franco pulled the weights off of me and all I could see was my arm turning black and that friggin goofy, one-winged, mouse-munching motherf*cker flapping around in tight circles. By the way, my best squat was 550 lbs




HOLY CRAP!!! Sly ripped the sh*t out of his pecs... Guys who get that buff are crazy!!

Devin - take note.

Yo

Tonight... we dine... in HELL!!


The teaser trailer for 300 was pretty damn good - now we have the full trailer... and it continues to look amazing.
trailer

Windows format - Quicktime... I expect everyone to watch it and tell me how brilliant it looks.







Yummy!

Yo

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Sly's "crotch tartar"


Ain't It Cool News has been posting Q&A with Sly Stallone all week. Here is the question and answer I have been waiting to hear for my entire life.

9. How and why did you get involved with the 1983 movie "Staying Alive"? Looking back at it now, what would you change about it if anything( it was rated #1 in Entertainment Weekly's Top 25 Worst Sequels Ever Made)? How much influence did you have on Travolta's look for the film?
- Jay Of
Orange, CT

I have to disagree that it’s the worst sequel ever made. It was definitely a lot better than my version of GET CARTER, which caused many people to run out and perform self-inflicted lobotomies.

If I could do STAYING ALIVE over I would make it grittier, more hand-held, John’s clothes baggier, and ban all pastel tank tops. I would’ve added much more of the Bee Gees. But the Bee Gees were very angry with me and refused to do more songs because I put a couple of songs by my brother in the movie. So they basically told me to get lost, but one has to take care of family.

By the way, three hours into that film I knew it was a bad idea for me to direct it. It’s a subject I know very little about and don’t care to learn more about. Dancing is definitely not my strong suit. But I love directing actors in practical locations around New York. That was great.

Also, I didn’t know what to do everyday when the actors would come up and say the Bob Mackie-designed costumes are chafing their erogenous zones into “crotch tartar.”






O - YOUR - GOD!!!!!!

The end of "boyfriend!"


It seems we can finally graspe the major difference in the sea change that is "Gilmore Girls" this season. For the first time ever (even with Daniel Palladino's scribing) we have a strong male perspective on the eratic and often self centered decisions of our girls. Suddenly, Logan is the most complete and understanding character on the show!


Let's start by looking at Chris and Lor's crumbling relationship. Lorelai has always been quite selfish in her choices - running from Max, leaving him the weekend of their wedding - dropping Jason the second he stood up for himself against her father... and dumping Luke because he would not move at her pace (even though he was dealing with having a new daughter he had never met!!!!). But for the first time in the show - the characters are questioning her selfish decisions.

Chris called her out for not wanting to move from Stars Hollow - for not wanting to move forward with a family that he wants to make! Lor was finally given the smackdown that was long overdue. She is completely self absorbed and not willing to let anyone be their own personality - she must reign. Yet she mocks her mother for the same attributes - they just show in different ways (Lor giggles and mocks authority - Emily revels in her upper class world - both demand control of their surroundings).

David Rosenthal is flipping the show on its back - finally giving the male audience a chance to say "STOP BEING A SPOILED B*TCH!!"


As I mentioned, Logan is the most level headed character on the show now. The scene where he finally tells Rory's friend that Marty was in Rory's life is essential to his character. Logan would not lie when asked directly about Rory and Marty - thus making a rift with Rory and her friend. Rory proceeded to rail on Logan for not lying - "How can you be mad at me for telling her the truth. It was the right thing to do." Holy crap!!!

Rory has always used her men - poor Dean and Jess went through several trying moments when professing their love for her and having her look dumb-founded back at them. Here is the first time where her boyfriend is calling her out for her decisions - and we get to side with him!!


The episode ended with more male violence from Rosenthal - he wrote the first episode which ended with Luke heading off to punch Chris. Here an all out brawl took place - fun to watch but very interesting in what is going on.

Both men are struggling to find happiness in their lives - both think Lorelai is the answer. Both guys have their own girls that have been taken away from them... and I think both want Lorelai to help them build a family of their own. Yet, I believe they both see Lor's inability to let go of her independence (did you see how upset she got when Chris insinuated that he had something to do with the greatness that is Rory?) - and overall her drive to end up hurt and alone - with only her daughter's love to comfort her.


What is really interesting about all of this is that Amy Palladino lead us here. I always enjoyed the show's ability to let their lead women make huge mistakes and allow us to witness their faults. I admired this fact - a show that loves its characters, written by a woman, about women - who continually destroy the men that come into their lives. But as the show went on - I saw a sad pattern develop. It seemed that the creator might not know how horrible the choices that her characters made really were to the men in their lives. I mean - Rory destroyed Dean's marriage... yet she continued on to take all that was left of Dean and dropped him to move on to "fun" Logan... all without any signs of true remorse or understanding of what she did to him.

Now steps in David Rosenthal - someone who obviously can mimick the style and feel of Palladino - and is dealing with the mess that she left - but now is beginning to mold a more rounded show. One where everyones decisions/choices and there effects on others can and will be pointed out to our girls.


Does this mean he is watering down the series - or making it far more 3-dimensional? You tell me.

Yo

Friday, December 01, 2006

Guy Love


Good ol' Zach Braff has posted a clip from the upcoming musical episode of Scrubs. YEEEEHHAAAAA!

Greg - don't you realize you are my chocolate bear - but more of a vanilla dream than chocolate. Watch the video and embrace our Guy Love!


What?

Yo

"Knit or go home!"


I finally got to view Tuesday's Gilmore Girls last night - it was gold!! The opening had the Gilmore's playing Lor's message that she and Christopher had gotten married. I was dying!!

The man-date with Jackson was great stuff too - Lor going through Chris' outfit explaining why he couldn't wear it... oof!


Then we jumped into the Knitathon storyline... if you don't know, Cara knits... and she was knitting while we watched it... this... killed... me!!!! Lorelai's shirt!!! The whole setup... just hilarious!


I hope you all are watching - the show is definitely doing well with the situation it has been left in. Luke finally got to do some yelling at April's mother (who does not get pissed when an ex brings you a daughter that you never knew you had.. and she is in middle school!?!?) - and next week's fight looks like fun!

Love the girls....


Scrubs was pretty good - the guys decked out like patients was extremely lame... but tons of good lines!

"Welcome home, Perry, here's the new program. You occasionally lift a finger with Jack, and I'm going to try to keep from hating the unborn baby in my belly that has made my ass so big that I can't fit the whole thing on a toilet when I pee 800 times a day."
"I'm carrying Underwood right now."
"Have there been other penises?"
"Your sarcasm is wasted on me, you giant pregnant beast."
"I have seen Les Mis over a dozen times, so I have nothing against queens, per se. In fact my life would be a whole lot easier if I was married to one of you guys."
"This song always gets me. My brother was killed by a Funky Cold Medina."

Yo

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Scrub me!


Warm up the scooter (SASHA!!!) - grab your stuffed canine (Yeeeeah Rowdy!! Hit that!!) - and wax those nerps (but be careful of your me-time hand)... SCRUBS IS BACK!!!!!

I love Scrubs - I love to love Scrubs - and I love to have others love Scrubs with me present in the room.... just observing. Um...


We left off last season with a sort of cliffhanger - well, a cliffhanger for Scrubs. J.D.'s girlfriend was pregnant - OOF! So now we will go through about 3 episodes of that story... and then the character will disappear. That's just how network TV works.

This is to get you all psyched - I have never seen this!!



I am so pumped - Josh called me today to remind me it was on! DER! I will be in full geek mode (with probable robot dance celebration) and fully expect my SWB (Super-White-Bear) Greg to be watching as well. Don't disappoint mamma!


This is Sarah Chalke... bow to her.

EEEEAAAAGGGGLLLEEEEE!

Yo

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Old and Older


We don't hear much from this Minnesotian any more - but today is KJ's 28th birthday!!!

Live it up girlie!!!

Everyone should send on some birthday love - I am just going to remind her that in 2 more short years she is going to be as old as dirt...

I am dirt.

Yo

Mystery Date


The other day the Sheriff made a request in the comments at Listen! Listen!, etc. asking that there be a bit more light shed on the amorous adventures of your man Kern.

Well, while under normal circumstances I would have nothing to report other than the unemotional yet torrid passion of hand romance, I am relatively happy to say that I may actually have a potential date this weekend. With a woman!

I say potentially because I'm still waiting for another call in regard to the details of when this flight of fancy at the Henry Art Gallery at UW is supposed to happen. For the first time in my life, however, I am feeling relatively non-plussed by the entire situation, which is strange for a raging stress case like myself. I don't know if it's because I am really quite busy with my writing for TMT and the like, or if I am just so jaded at this point that an eleventh hour and forty-five minute dropout would not likely surprise me either.

In any case, the girl is beautiful and she likes to go to museums. If nothing else, having a sweet young lady on my arm in several rooms full of art for a few hours doesn't hurt my feelings, as I can think of far worse ways to kill an afternoon.

Of course if that falls through, I'm just going to go out and eat donuts and watch The Fountain. Six of one, half dozen of the other. And by the other I mean donuts.

Hugs and S**t,

Kern

PS-Fino, do not fear, I am still wrangling my thoughts for a proper Altman eulogy.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Hazzaa for Buttercup!

Today my lovely wife Andrea accepted a job at the University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics. The last 10 months for Buttercup and the Sheriff have been "times that temper the soul". However, a ray of light has shown down from the heavens and the tide has turned. We want to thank all who have listened to our sad tales these many months. You are remembered and charished for your friendship.

"God bless us everyone."


sheriff

Yum-Yum


This came out yesterday - new Spider-man 3 poster art. Good stuff.

Still reeling from the loss of Altman - not that it was not expected - just not wanted. I have not seen PRAIRE HOME COMPANION yet - not sure if that is how we wanted it to end.

Hopefully Kern can write something appropriate - and maybe he can post it he as well as his blog.

Hope everyone has a fattening Thanksgiving.

Yo

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Robert Altman 1925-2006


The final words of NASHVILLE;

"Y'all take it easy now. This isn't Dallas, it's Nashville! They can't do this to us here in Nashville! Let's show them what we're made of. Come on everybody, sing! Somebody, sing!"

Just yesterday I was doing some reading on SHORT CUTS and CALIFORNIA SPLIT - and now he is gone. Damn.



Yo

Monday, November 20, 2006

"Royale" treatment


Nobody is prepared - or remotely ready - for the new Bond film... I question even mentioning this film with all of the rest because "Casino Royale" stands as the first film in the Bond series to ever have real characters and a truly moving and exciting story.


Daniel Craig - the new Mr.Bond - takes hold of the character and completely makes it his own. He has the action chops to cut all of the fighting and stunts - yet also the acting chops to sell Bond's conflicted soul, twisting with the realization of his own murderous drive. Drea actually pointed out a moment that blew my mind - he is on a beautiful beach with his girlie Vesper and lets down his guard for a few moments to allow her to see him... the ocean is behind him in close up - and Craig's blue eyes match the color of the water behind him... it is a striking image not only for his "dreamy" look... but more importantly that Bond is opening - you can see through him - to the vibrant man behind the OO's.


Eva Green tears up the screen as Vesper - Bond's accountant and love interest... labeling her that way does not do her character justice. She challenges the man - she not only beholds sexuality for him - but let's him taste a woman with a fully developed mind (non existent in the Bond world) and strength of character. Green stunned me with her portrayal... or maybe it is just that Halle Berry was the last Bond chick.


Another shock is that Director Martin Campbell has made an truly amazing action/dramatic film!! The early action sequences are breathtaking (the end of the first chase scene had my mouth agape - and I actually jumped in shock at one scene!) and the intimate moments are truly... intimate. Usually characters and interest are falsities in this series - here we have real people reacting to violent situations... I am not sure how the director of "Vertical Limit" balanced this but he has done one helluva job!!


This is no "Goldeneye" - and this definitely is not some Roger Moore corny bore fest... this is a real film. This is what Connery began to create - this is what Brosnan wanted... This is the best James Bond film that has been made. Period.

Wow.


A side note - Caleb's website is up and running. Check it out! I also have the link off to the side.

Madison is doing great - Holly is moving around... Dan is Dan. All is good!!!

Yo

Friday, November 17, 2006

Introducing Madison Kayley Stevens


There is this foreign maitenance guy that I have to thank at Methodist Hospital - you see, I was at Matt Johnson's coffee shop, talking it up with the man and picking up some Tenacious D tickets, when I got the call. I knew Hol and Dan were at the hospital and that she had gotten the epidural - but major things were happening and I had to get there.

So I flew down Fleur - rolled into Methodist - and proceeded to run past the maternity ward ending up in the wrong end of the hospital. Frustrated, I grabbed a maitenance man who barely spoke English and urged him to get me to Holly asap!

We went running - using "personell only" doorways to get to the ward.

It - was - awesome.

But I was 5 minutes late. Madison Kayley Stevens arrived at 8:28 (or :27 - I have heard it both ways) to the shock of all! Hol was not even pushing... the doctors - the entire room! - dove to catch Maddy as she came out!!!

Here are a few pics


Proud Momma


Proud Poppa


Proud Grandma


Proud Grandpa


Proud Great-Grandma!!


Proud Family



Madison Kayley Stevens on Vimeo

Hi Maddy!!!!!

yo

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

We are going to blow your f*cking minds!!!


Last night I finally got the new Tenacious D album "Pick of Destiny!" My oh my - how I have missed the D!!!!

The album is pretty damn good - one track in particular is blowing my f*cking sox off! Here is a video from the movie coming out next week (or this week?).



Also, head over to Amazon and check out Master Exploder which is sadly edited - but you can hear the best tune on the ablum!

Cara and I are heading out to see it tomorrow - tickets courtesy of our friend Mr. Johnson. I will probably report on the film on Friday.


I am getting super psyched for "Casino Royale!" Jeffrey Wells (www.hollywood-elsewhere.com) gave the film a marvelous review - and he usually hates everything.

We shall be viewing Saturday night with the Kreitners - who are coming down for a weekend of fun with the Rainey's... er... me and Cara (DAMNIT!).

Lots to get out and see kids - whip it!


BTW - Gilmore and V-Mars were gold last night! Chris and Lor looked really happy... Lane's twinsy problems sent me into hysterics - Veronica's ending creeped me out good... and next weeks eps on both look fantastic. Yummy.

Yo

Monday, November 13, 2006

Gimme some VENOM!


I think we all know what kind of uber-dork I am when it comes to movies - and Spider-man 3 is on the top of my list on things to obsess upon! I head over to the production blog all of the time... I eat up every little detail that is spilled... and when the new trailer arrived - I counted the minutes down to it.

Head over to ifilm to watch the new trailer - which is sort of a disappointment. I expected a little more... and some Venom footage to boot!

So I was out on YOUTUBE - and discovered this!!!



The differences are huge! The editing is better and the final Venom images are the perfect way to close out the trailer. I hope you agree.

Watch it while you can - I am sure Sony will be pulling it down real soon!


(Pic courtesy of our friendly neighborhood Crotchety Bastard!)

Yo

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

"I Lost my wallet and brief case"

Sopranos Season 6 pt. 1 has come out on DVD and I enjoyed the first 3 ep's last evening. Very engaging TV. No spoilers here. So many potential plot paths in a very dense 3 shows. Can't wait to see the next 3 disks. Nice to see Mr. Pink again.


sheriff