Monday, October 31, 2005

F*CK Motel 6

BC and I were planning on leaving the two girls (see exhibt A)

with our usuall dog sitting lady while we were in Chicago this weekend. However, she was out of town so we decided to take them with us. We had booked a room for 2 nights at the Motel 6 in Joliet because they have reasonable rates and per their web site they are "pet friendly". So we plunked down our $97.50 and got a double room for Friday and Saturday. We arrived at the Hotel at 1:30pm on Friday and checked in without incident. The desk kid was very nice but had B.O. and looked like he had had a long night. No big deal. We mosey up to the room and it is clean and workable. We hang out and wait for the evening event to arrive. I watched the Chicago White Sox World Series rally on TV and the girls slept on the bed with me. Buttercup was off spending time with her cuttie pie niece Ella Pearl. (See pics prievious posts) Our room is right by the emergency exit stairwell so we do not have people on all sides. I figure they put the dog people away from the middle rooms to keep complaints down if the dogs began to bark. During the afternoon on Fri I do hear dogs barking down the hall but don't even think to complain since we have dogs too and it wasn't that loud to me.

We leave for the shuttle bus to the wedding at about 5:45pm and leave the dogs behind. We arrive back at the hotel about 12:45am on Sat and our keys don't work in the lock. I make the trip to the front desk and encounter the "Night guy" manager. (More about this puke soon)I tell him in my best half drunk voice that our keys don't work and ask him to fix them. He agrees and from behind the bullet proof window (like at the teller window at the Payday Check Store) takes my keys and re-codes them. Minor pain but no big deal....hey it's Motel 6 not the Ritz.

So, Sat am and the sheriff has a little of the Gin and Tonic flu....after a trip for breakfast that came up 25 min. after consumption I hunkered down in the room for the remainder of the day locked in mortal combat with my headache and lack of energy. The dogs were with me the whole day and nary a bark. However, the dogs of Friday afternoon were back at their bark opera and were at it for most of the day. My phone rang once in the afternoon but after three hellos on my part the party on the other end hung up.

Sat evening we leave to go the costume party at 7:30pm. Dogs in their diapers for another fun evening at the motel. We get back to the room at 12:30pm and our keys once again don't work...becoming more of a PITA...I go back down to the lobby and see a gentleman in a rent-a-cop uniform sitting in the biggy...I ask Senior Dipshit to once again re-code my keys and tell him that I am in Room 221. He says to me, "Oh, you are being kicked out of the hotel because your dogs were barking all day...the security guard will escort you up to your room so you can get your stuff!" I being about as shocked as I can be say, "what?" I was in my room all day and our dogs were not barking. However, the dogs down our hall were loud all day...did you try to call our room or knock on our door to see if it was us?" Dipshit responds..."I called several times and you were ignoring my can either leave now or I can call the police and they can escort you out!" I as calmly as I can speak, "well then I would like a refund for the night." And was responded to by "There will be no refund."

So, I was escorted up to my room by the rent-a-cop who tells me as we are walking that the night guy is a real "dick". We get to the outside of our room door and there is no noise comming from inside. No barking..nada....just like there wasn't the night before. Tulip and Lilly are excited to see us and Lilly goes into the hall to sniff the rent-a-cop. I proclaim that these are the monsters that have conspired to have us kicked out of the hotel. Rent-a-cop laughs at the absurdity of the events. Drea and I load up the car and drive home..leaving our hotel at 1:15am and arriving home at 4am.

I am currently drafting a letter to the President/CEO of Motel 6 on my legal office letterhead outlining the wonderfull experience I had at his pet friendly motel and informing him of the qualtiy people he has working for his fine company. I have experienced some strange events in my lifetime but to be kicked out of a hotel at fucking 1:15am in the morning is absurd. Especially because all dipshit needed to do to get the correct room number was to get off his fat ass and walk up one flight of stairs and walk down the hall to hear who was actually making all the noise. A knock on the door goes along way dumbass.

This is my tale of woe. Needless to say unless some major tainlicking is done by said company I will never be spending my hard earned money there again and will encourage all I know the follow suit. More to come when or if I receive and answer to my "fan mail".

bunny out

Chi chi chi... ka ka ka....

We did it!! We pulled off another fantastic Halloween... and this was probably the best we have ever done!

Ok - so we have two seperate tales here. One is the Sheriff - Nut Flop - and Buttercup off in Chi town ripping up the place doing a wedding and Halloween extravaganza. Here are some pics... but the B team will have to relay details.

The Kreitners - Jason - the Sheriff - Vorhees.. and Oompa Buttercup.

Mr. Nut and Mrs. Flop - and some baked goods.

The second tale of Halloween fun was taking place at my humble abode. We had 20 odd people show up - all dressed up in various degrees of naughtiness... and we proceeded to play the Great Pumpkin Hunt game that we had planned. It was a complete ball - running from spot to spot taking pics of our pumpkin in different situations. Being held by a Hooters waitress was a fav... sitting on a Harley Davidson was also a top pic of the night. We partied til about 3:30 am... and then collasped. All went very well. Here are the pics.

Tina gets into the Halloween spirit!

No, you are not seeing things... that is Dan Stevens as Sir Elton John!!!!

I thought Devin's Indiana Jones outfit was nothing short of stunning!

Senor Johson was pushing war bonds.

My mother went as a hippie... I thought it was a bit much when she smoked up an apple bong.

Drunk - sweaty - ready to meet the ladies.

Count em... 9 pumpkins! Wait... you can't see the big one!! Damnit!

Much later in the evening, Dr. Tiki arrived to hand out prescriptions.

The day after... I am holding a gun on them to get this pic.

The only victim of the evening - Mr. Pukey - had been nursing a 40 in brown paper bag all night... of course I laced the bag with ether!

Bring on H06!!!


Friday, October 28, 2005


Last night was the Paul McCartney concert for us yokels here in Des Moines. We had the worst seats ever...

but thankfully there was some very large monitors that aired a spectacular video version of the show! It saved the night.

Paul was really on - did not see any age in his voice or step. We got to hear a majority of the great Beatles tunes that we were hoping for... and a few from Wings that sounded pretty darn good live. The real excitement came in the second encore (he did 3) when they fired up Helter Skelter and did it in style. It was loud - hard - and amazing. Paul noted that this tour was the first time he had ever done the song live in the US.

Aside from some cheesy crowd butt kissing... it was a spectacular show!!

Weekend is upon us.. Sheriff is gone off with Nut Flopper for a wedding/Halloween extravaganza in Chicago... I am sure his update on Monday will be envious. We are throwing a little Halloween party of our own this weekend... check out the game we are going to play... quite similar to the scavenger hunt we did for my birthday a few years back.. yowza!

Have a good Halloween kats!!


News Damfino Will Likely Appreciate

As there is no new post up yet, I thought I would toss this little nugget out there since Jed was talking about how much fun he was having listening to Ryan Adams' Gold record the other day.[Note: Gold is Kern's second least favorite album of all of Ryan's material besides Rock and Roll. In fact, he wasn't sure if he would ever like anything else besides Heartbreaker until his last two albums. End rant.]

Anyhow, there is an article up at Pitchfork which has the release date of the brooding one's new album called 29 which is to be released on December 20th. That's a day after my birthday for those of you keeping score. It sounds like a damn dark record, and if that's the case Mr. Adams can officially consider his last three albums a hat trick in my book.

If you want to read the whole thing go here.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Red Six: RIP

On a sad note, let's all take a moment of silence for character actor William Hootkins, best known to us here at the Damfinoblog as Jek Porkins. He died earlier this week of pancreatic cancer.

This time we'll cover you, Porkins...

Wednesday, October 26, 2005


As I sit here listening to Ryan Adams' GOLD (which is flippin brilliant!!!!!!) and avoiding the true filth that is the Deit/Kern/S&M convo happening at the post below, I started scanning pics. Here is an ultra cool image of the Kreitner fam with me (post party weekend) that I discovered in high res. Now I can use it as a desktop image (it changes every 30 min - how entertaining!).

Yes we are all secure in our sexuality.

And here is the image that I think Nut Flopper should use in his comments... but I am sure he has something. It is just too wonderful not to share.

Ah well - lunch is over and back to work... later b*tches!


Its a shot in the dark...




"Ugh - It actually tastes like a My Little Pony!"

"You can pull sausage links out of my chest."


Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Well, it's not a Royal, but I'll take it!

Like I said, it's no Royal Flush, but I'll take a (nut) straight flush any time! (Probably goes without saying "nut" or "winning" straight flush, but... I mean, how often do you have a losing straigh flush? It is possible, though!) As you see, I had 2 suckers betting into me. Player 8 folded after my raise, and 10 only called. Still, though... What a river!

I hope to post a screenshot of a Royal Flush soon! Especially for Jed!


Today we celebrate Devin's (Ain't Right to most of us) 30th birthday!

Devin recently moved into the casa de Findlay with the brothers - Jerry is back in his humble Grimes home. Dev weighs about 165 pounds and can torque far more than that on any friends vehicle. He is single ladies... and is open for a "fun time."

Devin's idea of a "fun time."

With everyone turning into old bastards (Josh and Wendy I am looking at you) it is nice to see one person who fully embraces his age and defies it on a daily basis (for the love of God he stayed up late cooking pies last night... old curmegedoms don't do that!!).

Happy Birthday man!


Fingering the brain hole.

So I finally got to carve up my pumpkins last night - these were numbers 4 and 5, for those of you who are counting. I had rented "The Amityville Horror" to watch whilst digging into my jackos with Hol and Dan - but they stood me up on Saturday night, so I popped it in last night and watched it on my own.

The pumpkins turned out great - the film... no so much. I knew it would be terrible... but ugh! The director (had to have been some music video guy) was completely incompetent at building suspense or fear... he had one sequence where a babysitter is trapped in a closet and the little dead girl takes her hand and inserts her finger into the hole in her head... that is about as close to skull f*cking that I wish to get.

Where did all of the scary movies go? Nothing seems to frighten me any more... I remember watching "Silence of the Lambs" and being scared stiff at the ending, when Jodie Foster is rumaging through the completely darkened basement... that was nerve racking... but is there any movies out there that actually scare people any more?

When I was a kid - this film scared the wits out of me. I watched it a few years ago with H-D-J... and they were not really impressed... but there are some truly frightening bits. Little crippled kid drowns in a bathtub and late at night you can hear a banging sound throughout the house... it is the ghost of the kid banging on the sides of the tub for someone to save him.


George C. Scott at his finest - check it out.

Anyone have suggestions for scary movies?


Monday, October 24, 2005

Deit Heimley's House of Horrors

As promised to the pleasant Damfinoids, here are the pictures from my weekend.

Here you can all see me in outfit number one. I had ten wigs that I wore in rotation, but I kept going back to this wig for some reason. All that hair ... ah!

Here are two of my Jenn friends. The one in the Delta Burke costume is the purpitrator of the best practical joke ever!!!

Here is Wyatt .. Um ... John Wayne Gasey adding the night's horror.

And here is our unrepentent serial killer being led away by the cops.

Thank god The Captain and Teneil showed up just in time to keep the party rocking.

And we were so glad when our airline stewardess gave the Jello-Shot instructional video. I know I felt safer. Jello-Shots can be dangerous when abused.

All in all, I great time was had by all. I mean when Elvis enters the room, your party can't be that bad!!!

I am going to join a club and beat you with it.

I know I mentioned the Marx Brothers last week, but I would like to reiterate that if you have never seen one of their films, they are manic fun! At least watch Duck Soup and see what made these guys famous.

Anyway, I will be posing as Groucho Marx for Halloween - this weekend I went shopping to find a suit with tails to go with my moustache and giant cigar (ahem). I found the most perfect non tail suit (no tails in all of Des Moines... well, in all consignment of Des Moines) and spent an astounding $2.50 on the jacket and pants... look forward to pics next monday!

This might be a good opportunity for everyone to reveal what they are planning to wear for Halloween.

The Bags closed out their season yesterday with another loss - a difficult one in fact. We were man handled by yet another team, with only one touchdown to ease our suffering. We end the season at a dysmal 1-6. Never-the-less, we all agreed that it was a ball to play... and look forward to next season and changing things up a bit!

Yours truly had an awfully average game - a few good tackles... some missed. One bad moment of miscommunication that led to an opponent touchdown... and worst of all... once again - open down field - Jed drops the long bomb for a TD! Thankfully, this time there was a defensive man nearly intercepting to cover my @ss.

Now comes the long awaited, drink until the bones stop hurting, recovery period.


Friday, October 21, 2005

F*ck me she has tennis elbow!

Tiki Bar TV is spreading throughout the nation... and I love jumping on bandwagons. Yesterday I hopped over to the blog site and posted a comment - whilst perusing some tard bean came along and shreaded the site - stating they had "stolen" some images from an artist. I felt it my duty to protect free speech... or theivery... however you view it.

Wait - don't read that... those are compromised words.

Here is where the comment should have been from this MATT character, it has since been deleted - he spoke for the artist, claiming that legal action would be taken if the Tiki crew did not change their site art! And then I spoke up;

Nothing like smacking some b*tch down and working in a scrotum comment.

His response

I like how he tries to act like he doesn't get my DAMFINO name.. pfph! Fer shure!

My final comments

Thank you for sharing my joy of the blog world... hey - what else is this site good for if not for bragging!


Thursday, October 20, 2005

Smells of a Trapdoor!

The Sheriff did not do enough pimp'n of this Video Blog - it is insanely funny. Just a bunch of college guys doing their thing with Lala - extreme hottie of the Blog world!

Each ep is worthy of praise... wish I was this creative (and had Miss Lala to drink with!!!). Watch for a special RAISING ARIZONA shout out!


I Love Dragnet

Well Finally we got the Dragnet from Netflix and all I have to say is that I love it!! I had forgotten how wonderful it is until the previous posts.