It's A Kern-tastic Photocopia(With Help From The Sheriff!)

Kern: The Aftermath

For those of you who may not have had the opportunity to see the original slideshow of my pix at Listen, Listen..., you are in luck! The Sheriff was kind enough to forward along the gems that he snapped at The Kern Returns 2006 party and I have folded them into mine for one gigantic orgy of pictorial goodness.

If you'd like to see the full story illustrated in a multitude of photos, click here.

Hugs and s**t,

Kern

The Kern Departs

After several days of debauched good times and a frenetic activities schedule that would make Julie The Cruise Director piss herself in fear, The Kern has returned to Seattle, where the recent heat has turned his humble apartment into a bloody kiln.

In any case, I want to tell everyone who came to Kern Returns 2006 how much I appreciate the effort to come out and see me. I wish I had more time to see and talk to everyone, but sometimes it's difficult in a short amount of time. I'll try to do better next year.

A big thanks to The Sheriff, Drea and Flop for coming down and hanging out. It was awesome to meet you guys in person and I hope we are able to repeat the success and debauchery next year, perhaps with even more filth.

But the biggest thanks goes to Jed, Josh, and Devin for letting me crash at their place and allowing the party to happen there. I know it's a big undertaking, but it means the world to me that you are always so willing to extend your hospitality to me and I appreciate it more than I can express.

It seems that I may have a date predetermined to come back next year, as 2007 also marks my ten year high school reunion(!!!) and I think it's happening June 1 or thereabouts. So keep that in mind for next year. If not, I may just have to come back twice.

But in any case, thanks again everyone for giving me another time I'll never forget.

Hugs and s**t,

Kern

"Victory!"

Have been catching up on my Entourage Season 2 since season 3 has just appeared on HBO again. Jed had DVR'd the first 7 or so ep's for me and I had viewed them last year. However, when Jerry moved out the dvr left with him and the remaining ep's floated out of my life. So, Netflix came to the rescue. I have now caught up to where I had left off. The U2 ep was the last one viewed with Jed and I have since then also viewed the Batmitsva EP. I have the complete 3rd disk left to view and can't wait to see how "Aquaman" turns out. I'm sure Vince will be plowing Aquagirl soon. Pass the douche Turtle, it going to be a f*cking great night!



b.o.

9 days to "Hugs and Sh*t"

Mothers hide your myspace using teen daughters...Kern Returns 2006 arrives in 9 days. Will the West Des Moines Metroplex survive the event? There is booze to be purchased and chicken salad sandwiches to be made! The event of the season they are saying. Kudos to Jed for hosting the Filth Bash once again. Hope all can attend.


Sheriff



ps: How f*cking good is AD. Season 2 is kicking my ass! "To the Nuts!!!"

Springsteen's Mighty Wind

This weekend rocked in all sorts of ways for yours truly! Friday night, Cara and I went out to Clive Fest and got drunk whilst listening to some truly "What not to Wear" needy cover bands - we also rhode some carnie special rides... 3 minutes on the Tilt-a-Wheel of death... and some caged ferris wheel debacle.

Saturday, we snuck out with Caleb and Josh/Christy to see CARS. Another Pixar winner!

And finally, Sunday, we met up with the gang and watched the debut of DEADWOOD and ENTOURAGE! Dan-Jill and even Mr. Dublin made an appearance!

But the highlight of the weekend was the free tickets we scored to Bruce Springsteen at Wells Fargo Arena!


Now, I know quite a few people could care less about the Boss these days... but I am a definite late comer to his work. I have enjoyed a journey through his early work and some 80's stuff in the past year. But this concert was a different event! Bruce barely sold any tickets (5,350 people... that's it!) because his stop was about only one cd.

"We Shall Overcome; The Seeger Sessions"


The album is a collection of Folk songs that were sung by Pete Seeger (not written by) - a collection of tunes that varies from the Americana "John Henry" and the gospel "O Mary Don't You Weep."

I bought the disc the night before the concert, not having heard any of it and without knowing it was all folk! An excitement washed over me as I realized the Boss was doing what Billy Bragg had done a few years back with his Woody Guthrie discs (Mermaid Avenue I&II). By the second verse of "Jesse James" the second song on the album, I was completely hooked!!!


"We Shall Overcome" was produced over 9 years - but the group only met and recorded for 3 days in those years! They never practiced - Bruce just counted off the beat and away they went! It's a ho-down! It's a hootenanny!!!! It's the most fun you can have with a washboard!!!

Joking aside, this is the best stuff Springsteen has done in a long time. I did enjoy "The Rising" (he actually sang "The Rising" at the concert) and "Devils and Dust" (did that song too!) but this is the full sound - the fun sound that I love about the Boss.


The concert was a ball! Cara got us into the Farm Bureau suites and free drinks were abundent. On the floor of the Arena, people danced and sang the night away with the Boss and his group of 12 other musicians. It was quite a different experience - exciting and fun... but also full of intimate moments with Bruce as he spoke of the struggles in New Orleans or of the history of specific songs. Hell, he even mentioned the World Pork Expo at the fairgrounds!


The album is a marvel - ready to grab any listener and take them on a journey back to the days when families would sing together while hanging out on the porch... Grandpa with his guitar... singing "LOW BRIDGE - EVERBODY DOWN!" - floating on down that Erie Canal!

Here's to a month of obsessing about this record! If you don't believe me, here is a grand review up at Pitchfork!

Yo

Welcome to the Barn

I was going to post this last week as I was watching the 5th season of The Shield - but I never got around to it. Today at lunch, I finished the final episode of the season... and I am now assured in my thoughts.

The Shield will go down as one of the greatest TV shows ever - and right now, it is the most interesting and compelling series that you can see on TV!


I am not going to waste everyone's time and explain what the show is about; it's a cop show - bam. And I also would have a hard time defending parts of season 2 and some episodes in 3&4. The reason I am writing about the show is because of season 5 - I don't know what happened in the break between seasons... but the Shield production team came back with 11 hours of pure gold!


Forrest Whittaker was brought on as an investigator trying to take down Vic (Chiklis) and his strike team. Whittaker's work was astounding!!! It seems that his strong pressence almost inspired the rest of the crew to make the show the strongest it has ever been. In fact, the series has had it's moments, but this season was a continual growth with every episode.


It was very interesting to watch this season while Sopranos aired every Sunday. For the first time, I can see a clear difference in what HBO does and how FX (or NBC,ABC,CBS etc)handles TV shows. Sopranos plays like a film every week - the show is not forced to see plot lines through - vast amounts of time are spent planning each episode - which creates quite a different feeling in viewing compared to regular TV series.

The Shield might exist outside of regular television, but it is far closer to seasonal TV than Sopranos is. And for the first time ever - I am prefering the straightforward serial approach of The Shield than the slow/cold film style of The Sopranos.


It is astounding to me that a series can step up to such a superior level in it's 5th season! Most of the time, characters get old and writers tire of their stories - and perhaps this season will be the pinacle of the series - but nothing changes the fact that The Shield has produced 11 hours of perfection that can be viewed over and over.

Stop watching reality garbage - rent some DVD's and take a trip into Farmington.

Yo

"Why settle for the best..."

Perfect to the last drop! Look at this cover art for the 3rd and final season of Arrested Development!!! Great looking stuff.

This show was top notch all the way around - I can't wait to grab this final set and run back through all three seasons on one long drunken weekend!

Gob: Ok, ok, ok. So should, should, should, should, should, shhhhshsh, should, should...

Michael: Well, do it your way, I'm just here to have fun.

Gob: Not too much fun, all right? I already gave my big sexual harassment speech today.

[Gob talking to Bluth employees about sexual harassment]

Gob: Please refrain from discussing or engaging in any sort of inter-office [bleep]ing, or [bleep]ing, or finger[bleep], or[bleep]esting, or [bleep]esting or [bleep]ing or even [bleep]. Even though so many people in this office are begging for it. And if anybody does anything with my sister Lindsay, I'll take off my pants, I'll[bleep], and I'll personally [really long bleep].

With love... Yo

A special Sheriff day UPDATED!!!!!!

I woke up today with a smile on my face and a hop in my step. Today is a very special day... today - Gregory John Kreitner was born.

And Joan Rivers was spit out too.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GREG!!!!!!!


Greg is a helluva guy - in fact, he is a bestie! Now, I don't have many besties in my life... but if there is one guy I can always count on - one guy who always is there to give that comforting squeeze of my cheeks and a little glass of Tanqueray and tonic - Greg is that guy.


Now, I know how old Greg is turning today - but I am not the kind of brother who would disclose without proper consent from the man himself. So, if you want to know - you can ask. Let's just say, Greg is old enough to have bought Sonny Crocket's complete wardrobe - and actually used it to score some Miami Vice loving hotties!


No matter - Kreitner is my boy, and I thrilled to share another big birthday with the man!!! Happy Birthday Greg-san!

Love ya brother!

btw - here is a slideshow of my feelings for Greg... yes, that is Kenny Rogers.



Greg B-day on Vimeo

Yo

Pixar's "Cars" are we excited?

Hello fellow blog heads,

On June 9th another bit of Pixar magic is comming to the big screen, the animated feature "Cars". What is the excitement level for this film? Are we all awaiting the first Pixar flop? Surely Pixar can't keep bringing out story driven films that continue to deliver the goods. Toy Story, Bugs Life, Toy Story 2, Monsters Inc., Finding Nemo and The Incredibles. I must admit I left the theater after watching Incredibles not completely overwhelmed by the story. However, when the DVD was released I discovered all of its wonder and now believe it is one of their best. I will go into "Cars" with an open mind and trust in the fact that as a studio Pixar truely does focus on story first and their medium of transport is the 10110001 and not celluloid film. If X-men 3 can have no real plot and make 123 million over the long holiday weekend Cars has a chance to make a big pile of cake!

Go out and see a movie people.

Your sage rambling advisor,

Sheriff Officer Greg the Bunny

How to smile awkwardly - by Jed Findlay

Cara and I did a little mini-vacation this weekend up to Stillwater, MN. The trip was short - sweet - but a little warm. Stillwater is a river town, sitting along the banks of the St. Croix (which runs into the Mississippi). An antiquer's dream, the town is full of little stores and wineries to quench yer thirst. Since neither of us dig antiques that much - we got loaded. Pictured above is our stop in Northern Vineyards.


Cara enjoys a nice cool Chardonay (it was not very good).


Jed winces in pain - realizing that his sunglasses are permanently melting onto his skull.


Here is the lovely couple in front of a scenic view of the town and the river. Cara had a little trouble walking back down the large amount of frighteningly steep stairs that we traveled to get up here!


This pic is here for one reason; somewhere along the path of my life I have lost the ability to pose for a picture. Look at this! What the hell am I doing? How can anyone look so awkward!??! Not to worry - with the readership of this blog, my camera-shattering looks won't be seen by many.


Finally, we sat and ate some lunch along the river - we also got to chat up a very sweaty bartender who told us stories of his Grandfather riding logs down the river in the early days of the town. I asked him what it was like growing up with a homosexual elder - he then explained with his sweaty fists that his Grand-pappy worked for the timber mill... and that I was welcomed to leave my shattered teeth on the bar.


Last pic - lunch was pretty good. The beer was good. As you can see I am still wincing from the melting sunglasses - and the bartender pummelling. Also, Cara decided she liked the shade so I was left with half of my body in the sun. Sadly, my right foot melted clear off of my leg.

No comments about my nub if you please.

Yo