Smurfette's nipple

My gut has grown three-fold from yesterday's game! I sat around at Larry and Rhonda's gorging on (lemme list this);

3 pieces of popcorn cake
1 piece of champagne cake
a beef hoagie
2 bowls of chip and dip
2 ribs
bowl of strawberries and cool whip
almost a pound of smoked ham
4 beers (2 harp 2 bass)

The game looked beautiful on their 50 inch Plasma! We had a ball - and the game was pretty damn good too.


We also had to work on the shower this weekend - sadly, some tiles had caved in and water was destroying the entire thing (also, the soap tile dish attacked Devin - so it had to be let go). So Devin and I (Josh picked up lunch) did some work. Here is the process;


Step #1 Tear into the tiles - have a ball with this! You can use whatever device you choose, just rip into the ugly ugly shower with all of your anger (watch for ant infestations!).


Take these moments to enjoy your success - and air out your pits.


Eww - look at what comes out of your walls. Non-dry dry wall is not yummy.


Step #2 Measure 5 times and cut 23 - make sure you drill those screws into the studs. Otherwise they just kind of sit and spin... like a swell blind date.


Step #3 Clean off those tiles - no one likes a filthy tile.


Step #4 Take a break with the family - share a little pasta fazool and enjoy some exposed Drea de Matteo!


Step #5 (yes, that is supposed to be a five) Crack open some finely brewed swill after realizing Devin is doing most of the work.


Final step - grout/adhese the hell outta the tiles. This is fun - inhale deeply!


You're done! Congratulations - you have a wonderfully crafted white nipple in your shower for all to enjoy. Why call it a white nipple... well, frankly, because we are filthy boys.

Good weekend - hope yours was as fun!

Yo

P.S. Do you get the subject line now?

Weekend plans

HOLY CRAP THIS IS A BIG WEEKEND!!!

Actually, the weekend is shaping up to be pretty nice and calm and fun. First, we have the return of Drea after a week of fun in Utah. Hopefully the Sheriff will once again be one in mind and spirit.

Next, we have the big game.



I will be viewing at Larry and Rhonda Bohall's place (Rhonda is Dan's mother - we went on the cruise with them) - Lar is a massive Steelers fan, so it should be fun to watch the game with him.

I am going to cook up some yummy ribs and completely drink my @ss off! Hopefully the game does not disappoint. Also, there is supposed to be a bunch of Family Guy episodes right after the game - I think they are new!!!


Saturday we are working on our shower (picture is simply for reference, this is not our shower) - we have had tiles caving in for quite a while and earlier this week the soap holder tile fell off the wall and attacked Devin's foot. He moved with grace and composure and avoided an injury. Unfortunately we all have been afraid to enter the bathroom ever since.

We will be tearing out the tile Saturday morning and hating life the rest of the day.


Finally, tonight I am off to see Brokeback Mountain. After it was nominated earlier this week, I decided I had to see it. I will report about the film later next week - make sure to let you girls know who is playing catcher... my money is on Ledger.

Weekend plans anyone?

Yo

The Angry Straw Poll at Listen! Listen...etc.

Hello all. If you have not had a chance to already, please participate in the "How Angry Is The Kern?" poll at my blog. I will be posting the results a week from tomorrow. The more data gathered the better!

Thanks a mint.

Kern

I just tron'd myself...

Old Nut Flopper added this in the comments area - I thought it was worthy of a post.

"I F*CKIN' LOVE TRON! The movie and Tron and Discs of Tron video games!! (There is a PC game, came out months/years ago, Tron 2.0. Gotta get my paws on it and try it on my kickass gaming machine.)

Oh, this could be a long post...

I dig on the SciFi genre - yeah, no kidding, you'd never know from my geek talk and such. Maybe it was because I was younger (around 8) when it came out and I was just entranced by the fantasy. Heck, it's still cool for me today to imagine what it would be like to be inside a computer and be a living part of it! (I'm a SATA controller. What is your data request?)

I chucked many quarters in the Tron game. If you don't remember or know, Tron had the joystick and rotating knob. (Damn, there's just ALL KINDS of room for comments there!) There were 4 "rooms" per level: blow up the tanks in the maze, break through the CPU cone, lightcycle race, and kill the bugs to get to the center transport.






Having the 2 controls was pretty cool, especially in the cone and bug rooms. The tank part was the hardest for me. Then I found Discs of Tron (DoT). Again, if you don't remember or know, DoT had the joystick and knob - however, you could lift the knob up or press it down (more on that below). Frickin' sweet! It was you vs. Sark. It started you on 1 floating disk platform. You thew disks at each other, trying to knock your opponent off their platform. As the levels progressed, it went from 1 platform to 3, all at the same elevation. You would automatically jump from one platform to the next if you ran off the edge. Higher levels brought 3 platforms at *different* elevations (but, you'd just automatically jump from platform to platform). This is where the "multi-level" knob came in - you'd have to match your throw to the elevation of the platform if you wanted any success hitting your opponent. Like Kern said, badass!

On one of my hard drives at home I have a version of MAME (Multiple Arcade Machine Emulator) and many games, including Discs of Tron. (I don't think I have Tron - YET! :) )

Damn, now I have to find that at home and play!"



Spoken like a true geek my friend,

Yo

They won?

In recent years, I have come to feel that I am truly bad luck for any sports team. Just ask Dan, he has seen his solid teams crumble when they were supposed to win - all because I was watching.

With this in mind, I have attempted to step away from most games, hoping a win is had without me.

But last night we had a guest over (Cara) who wanted to watch the Hawks take on Purdue - and watch we did.


The first half was a tough show - Iowa was down by 8-11 the entire time. I felt the evil presence of Jed's back luck infecting our Iowa team. I mean, they were losing to the lowest rated team in the Big Ten!!!

But the second half came and Horner stepped up things. He ended up with 32 points, including 7 three pointers!!!


Mike Henderson also did a helluva job in getting Iowa moving again. He had three major steals and tapped in 17 points for the night.

By the end of the game - Iowa had things well in hand and took the win with a 77-68 score. Iowa had won and I had watched the whole game.

This means it may not be my fault when they lose! This means I can start watching games again and not feel horrible!! This means I can drink profusely throughout the week with a solid excuse!!!

Cool.

Yo

p.s. Devin was a warrior and suffered through the entire game - and never bitched once. Bravo!

Suffer Well

Me and Depeche Mode have never been grand bedfellows... and TRON has never ever been a top fave of mine.



So why can't I stop watching this clip from Tron (actually several edited together) with the Depeche Mode song "Suffer Well" with it?



Here is a link to it check it out!



I just downloaded the song from iTunes. Yummy!

Yo

Gilmore goes hand-held?!?!?!

With the gigantic exception of what they are doing to Luke's character, last night's Gilmore was perfection. Even though Luke is being royaly screwed with this ridiculous child sub-plot, everyone else is spot on with their characters (Kirk - "What is she doing with that book?").

In fact, the end of the episode was a major leap towards a new world for the show. The simple act of taking the camera off of the tri-pod/steadicam totally rocked the house!

I loved seeing the emotions blow out with the Gilmores in their montage of fights and revelations. Each piece made me laugh all the more and really connected me once again to all of the characters that I know and love so much.

The very last line was underwhelming - I expected something along the lines of "that was better than sex!!"

Yo

It's about time!!!

Just announced. May 9th.

CLEMOND - more after this!

Last weekend o January has slipped on by and several profound things have occured... um... wait....

jack crap happened.

Actually, FAMILY GUY was a friggin highlight! stewie kicking the hell outta Brian... killer stuff!


Veronica returned last week - and we have yet to watch it. Hopefully Duncan Kane was hit by a large meteor and V went back to the Charisma Carpenter nailing Logan. Now that I think of it - I hope she joined them.

... that was wrong.


SMALLVILLE reached its 100th episode this week - killing off a major character. Actually, for a show that I do not enjoy - nor watch that often, I was very happy with it. The ep was directed by the man who directed the pilot of the series.

Good stuff!

So.... hmm... well...

Shaved my brother's head this weekend.... that was cool.

Drea headed off to Utah... I miss her. Hopefully we will hear from her.

Anyway... that is all I have... so....


BACK THE F*CK OFF I AM NOT THAT INTERESTING!!!


Ugh. Yo

"The Aristocrats"

Who has seen this wonderful little film. Just Netflixed it last night and all I can saw is....


1. Bob Saget is filthy...truely Sheriff like in his sludge...Bravo Bob Saget!

2. Sarah Silverman is yummy

3. Kevin Pollak does a killer Christopher Walken

Must be seen to be enjoyed.

All filthy comments welcome.

b.o.

My favorite blog!!!

I know I have talked up the Scrubs blog before... but guys, post #24 is a table read from the 100th episode! It runs nearly 20 min and really shows the cast - the writers... and all that goes into making this show great!

Check it out - it is absolutely worth it!!!


scrubs blog

Yo!

10 years man! 10 YEARS!!!!

Tomorrow is an important day for Dan and Hol... but also a day that they won't celebrate. Tomorrow is the 10 year anniversary of Dan and Hol beginning to date. 10 years!

Holy crap. I heard that and about fell over. 10 years... I have not even been wearing deodarant for 10 years (puberty was late for me) - let alone sharing my life with someone!!

I find it most impressive that these two have endured the 10 years of challenges - difficulties - family issues... and all of the fun that comes with building your world with another in it. And they do it with such large smiles.

One little nugget of info - their first date - the first time they went out together - Dan took Hol to go see DEAD MAN WALKING! How hot is that!


Congratulations to my sis and brother in law. You are the b@lls.

Yo

(sorry about the b@lls comment - had to put something funny in there!)

Hee hee!

Disney buys Pixar and Steve Jobs for $7.4bn

By Stephen Lawson, IDG News Service

Disney has bought animation studio Pixar for $7.4 billion. The long-anticipated deal with see Apple CEO, who is also head of Pixar, join Disney's board of directors.

Pixar has shared its digital animation expertise several times with Disney in a string of blockbuster films including Toy Story, Monsters Inc, Finding Nemo and The Incredibles.

Jobs is chairman and CEO at the studio and owns approximately 50.6 percent of the outstanding shares of Pixar. Pixar shareholders would receive 2.3 Disney shares for each Pixar share in the all-stock deal, the companies said, and Jobs would become the largest individual shareholder of Disney following the deal's close, according to news reports.

In 2005, Jobs was worth $3.3 billion, making him the 67th richest person in the US, according to the Forbes magazine's Forbes 400 list.

The boards of both companies have approved the acquisition but it still needs shareholder and regulatory approval. The companies said they expect the acquisition to close in the summer.


Steve Jobs now can take over the world... Disney - ABC - ESPN... Apple...

Holy Crap!

Yo

I hate news like this.

Bad news on our Wednesday - actor Chris Penn was found dead in his condominium in Santa Monica - with no signs of foul play.


I think most of us remember Penn's work from Resevoir Dogs playing Nice Guy Eddie. Or perhaps you hold the memory of his young look from the film Footloose. I remember him doing some amazing stuff in True Romance as well as Robert Altman's Short Cuts (his character is the saddest most confusing of the film!). It seems the last few years he has been left to small bit parts in TV shows (Entourage) and bigger movies (Starsky and Hutch).


What is truly creepy about all of this is that Chris was only 41 years old! He was only about 10 years older than most of us!!!

And now he is gone. Damn - honestly, he is one of the few actors I truly wish we could have seen some major work from. Similar to Gene Wilder... another actor I want (wanted) to see some diverse and interesting stuff from... Chris Penn is now placed in the Hollywood history books... never to have his moment.

Chris' final film, The Darwin Awards, is scheduled to premiere this week at Sundance.

Yo

They need a telethon to cure f*ck-face-itis!

Last night Jer came over and joined us for dinner - after some shopping at Best Buy, we came back home and watched some "How I Met Your Mother" which keeps coming up with surprisingly good episodes! Afterwards, we almost threw in some "The Shield," when Devin reminded us that he had never seen an episode of "The Sopranos."

Giddy joy took over my senses - I ran downstairs and grabbed season 1. We settled in and fell in love with this perfect series all over again.


AJ was a little porker! Big Pussy was running around F*ckbucks looking for a car theif! Chris was just beginning to date Adrienna! And Meadow had yet to go through her chubby days!!

God - what an amazing series! What an amazing first two seasons!! Granted, things go down a tad after the 3rd. And the 5th did not really live up to our normal expectations... but this never deters us from getting really excited to watch the show.

Season 6 (the final season) begins on March 16. It is presented in two parts - 12 eps in March and 8 more in Jauary of the next year. That will be the end of the show (as far as David Chase is concerned) and the end of one of TV - Film - all artistic media's finest works!!


Just finished up reading Robinson's "Gilead." The book took the pulitzer this year and it is only the second full novel by the author (her first was 20 years ago!).

"Gilead" is the final memoirs of a dying pastor in Iowa writing to his young son. Totaly first person narrative - chocked full of observant moments of beauty and sadness... but really a somewhat slow read with little story (there is one that arrives 3/4 way through the book). Not really my favorite read - but it does have some awfully wonderful moments. Yet - the main character never really took hold of me, keeping my emotions for his state at a distance (though it can be argued that is the point).

Kind of an "ugh."


This is coming up next - the book hovers in the top 20 of all time lists. So expectations are high!

Gilmore - Scrubs - steaks tonight!!!

For those of you still viewing House instead of Scrubs... GET OFF MY D*CK!!!

Yo

I think its poo....

So I think everyone knows that I went out and bought a lovely iPod for myself last week. A nice white 60 Gb video iPod that I love and cherish!! But unfortunately, some headaches have come into owning this device.

I don't have a tape player in the car, so I am forced to use a FM Modulator to do the trick... I am on my third product - having taken back two others that don't cut it. The third one is the worst of the bunch... thusly frustration has entered.

The real kick in the nuts came when I got to work today! I spent the weekend with Greg and Andrea and Mercedes this weekend (we had a ball getting drunk and playing with Mercedes' love lumps) and got to download their entire song collection.

I had all of the Sinatra! Tons of quality 60's and 70's grooves!!

But I came into work... connected the iPod to my machine without thinking... and watched as it all disappeared!!!! That pissed me off.


Another frustration of the day was having to sit at home and wait for the plumbers to come mop up the basement. The sewer drain got clogged... and all sorts of yummies came up to play.

Thankfully the plumbers were quick and did not track too much poo throughout the house.


Finally, we did view HIGH TENSION this weekend with the Krietners. This french film came out last summer and barely eeked out some dough.

I was not really keen on viewing, but the Sheriff can be persuasive (he's got his balls in alot of pies, but when he gets focused - he gets what he wants).


The film was quite gory - and it offered up some stunningly offensive images (we have all see the shot of the man with a head bobbing up and down in his lap whilst sitting in a car... but have we seen him toss out the severed/used head from the car? EWWWWWW!!!). It also contains a decent twist in the final act. Probably not twisty enought to recommend... but cooler than I thought it was going to be.

Looking forward to one final trip to the Apple store - a house that smells like diaper candy... and some chili.

How else can we check to see if the plumbers did their jobs?




(ewwwwwwwwwwwwww)

Yo

The Kern Sells Out

If you haven't already, you might go to my blog and read today's piece. I've moved to phase two in my plans for corporate whoredom. Yes, that's right.

Merchandising.

Check out the link over there. It's preliminary, and perhaps too expensive, but it's a good place for me to start until I can figure out t-shirt prices from other places. We may get those Kern Returns with Tea Bag Posse shirts after all!

Family Circus: Kern Style!

This is up on my blog too, but in case you don't make it there, I thought this was a bit amusing for a Friday.

If you think this is bad, you should see the captions I did for Mary Worth. Who knew she had a mouth like the bastard child of a longshoreman and a phone sex operator?

It's a new gimp every week!!

Scrubs last night was perfect! We were laughing for the solid hour - dying at two Donald Faison (Turk) bits. His initial "Gonna get me sex" song and his brain freeze bit. I love it when he screeches that high pitched scream of pain (takes me back to season 2 with the Dr. Kelso punch to the nuts bit!!).

Please... Kern - Sheriff... those with memories that hold up far better than mine. Roll through some quality lines today - so I can re-watch it in my mind!


So ol Luke has decided that post... um... hopefully everyone watched. So Luke is drowning in his own stupid decisions - a character change that continues to confound me!

Why do this to him? To Lor? Why use his own line ("I am all in") on him about his daughter ("You have to be all in or nothing!")? The pieces all connect to create drama - but it feels like pushed drama. I am not sure how Lor could forgive him for not speaking about all of this for 2 months??!?!? It is pretty ridiculous!

I dunno - I did enjoy seeing Logan back. His confrontation of Lor was perfect for his character... handled very well. The note bit was really good - a moment for the girls that seemed spot on with their characters.


I am in discussion with my brain and my pocket book about buying one of these new iMacs. They have the same processor as the Macbook, but runs with a smaller price tag.

Devin bought his laptop (which may be shipping today - he should post on it and show some pics!) and that means I officially have an itch to buy a computer. These new iMacs seem to be super fast and strong enough for the video work I want to do on them.

Any opinions?

LOST tonight!

Yo