Monday, February 06, 2006

Smurfette's nipple

My gut has grown three-fold from yesterday's game! I sat around at Larry and Rhonda's gorging on (lemme list this);

3 pieces of popcorn cake
1 piece of champagne cake
a beef hoagie
2 bowls of chip and dip
2 ribs
bowl of strawberries and cool whip
almost a pound of smoked ham
4 beers (2 harp 2 bass)

The game looked beautiful on their 50 inch Plasma! We had a ball - and the game was pretty damn good too.

We also had to work on the shower this weekend - sadly, some tiles had caved in and water was destroying the entire thing (also, the soap tile dish attacked Devin - so it had to be let go). So Devin and I (Josh picked up lunch) did some work. Here is the process;

Step #1 Tear into the tiles - have a ball with this! You can use whatever device you choose, just rip into the ugly ugly shower with all of your anger (watch for ant infestations!).

Take these moments to enjoy your success - and air out your pits.

Eww - look at what comes out of your walls. Non-dry dry wall is not yummy.

Step #2 Measure 5 times and cut 23 - make sure you drill those screws into the studs. Otherwise they just kind of sit and spin... like a swell blind date.

Step #3 Clean off those tiles - no one likes a filthy tile.

Step #4 Take a break with the family - share a little pasta fazool and enjoy some exposed Drea de Matteo!

Step #5 (yes, that is supposed to be a five) Crack open some finely brewed swill after realizing Devin is doing most of the work.

Final step - grout/adhese the hell outta the tiles. This is fun - inhale deeply!

You're done! Congratulations - you have a wonderfully crafted white nipple in your shower for all to enjoy. Why call it a white nipple... well, frankly, because we are filthy boys.

Good weekend - hope yours was as fun!


P.S. Do you get the subject line now?


Sheriff Officer Greg the Bunny said...

Fixed shower, check

50 inch plasma, check.....bastard

Buttercup comming to DM for a few days this week for work, perhaps.

Get the floor ready Mrs. Sheriff may be crashing tues-wed night at the Mantel. I'm sure BC will be in touch Fino.


ps: best ad...streaking sheep Bud a little slow with brief bursts of excitement....the reverse pass play great...75 yard run..great.

Damfino said...

Randel El threw an amazing pass - Big Ben threw a similar pass for an interception right before!!

Who knew?

Drea - She will have to call the work number I left the cell at home.

YEAH!!! We could use some Buttercup loving!

Damfino said...

I dug the FedEx ad - prehistoric delivery. Loved it when the guy punted the tiny Dilop... dilopo... small little dinosaur.

Buttercup said...

yo I am back in the land of the flat and corn here in Iowad. SLC was beautiful, but I am glad to be home. Will post some pictures for you later

Damfino said...


Glad you are back Drea - your hubby was a little aloof whilst you were missing.

He tended to wander around - confused and befuddled.

Poor chap - he needs more love.

Sheriff Officer Greg the Bunny said...

After the Game Fino had Super Colon Blow LXLLIII....

After all that food Fino and his colon put the smack down on The City of West Des Moines and the boys at the public works building.


Kern said...

Hey all. Believe it or not, The Kern actually watched the game. Yes, it's true. Can you hear the hoofbeats of those four horsemen?

Other than that saw some movies this weekend. I am desperately trying hard to get back into that mode. Expect more film related gibberish at my blog in the near future, including reviews of Match Point and Broken Flowers.

Damfino said...

Destroyed the downstairs toilet too - but we are posting the replacement pictures of that next week.

Sheriff Officer Greg the Bunny said...

Please say you didn't rip out that "makes your feet warm" carpet in the downstairs Sheriff dumpatorium.....


Kern said...

It's like a regular ep of Trading Spaces in the Damfino household...

Kern said...

Dumpotorium...heh heh.

Damfino said...

I, of course, was being... how the French say it... "humorouso!"

I would never mess with the Sheriff's personal wee wee playgound.

Kern - I am slapping you for the Dumpotorium... you are better than that.

Kern said...

I was just repeating what the Sheriff said and snickering. Or is that what the slap was for?

FlopTheNuts said...

"Smurfette's nipple" - frickin' ROTFLMAO hilarious!!

(That's Rolling On The Floor, Laughing My A$$ Off, BTW. That's By The Way, BTW. Oh!)

I agree, Sheriff: game did have some zzzzz parts (especially the end), but the gadget play was GREAT - that throw was BEAUTIFUL! Nice spiral, pretty much in-step with receiver. Honestly, I didn't care too much which team won, but I liked seeing the Steelers win: 1, Cowher's first Super Bowl win; 2, Bettis' possibly retiring (thus going out on a high note); and, 3, the use of the gadget play! :)

'Fino, I dug the FedEx commercial, too! Gotta say I liked the caveman getting squished just as much if not more than caveman kicking little dino.

And, 'Fino, aren't you a little, uh, 'off' when you say "We worked on ... " - looks more like "Devin worked on ... ". ;)

Oooo, I just can't pass this verification word up - did you have *scfali* whilst watching Sopranos?

Kern said...

During the scenes at the Bing he "venufd" in his jeans.

Gentlemen, start your filthy engines!

FlopTheNuts said...

"Venufd" elicits a giddy giggle.

Damfino said...

Sheriff always gets a free pass with his level of filth - I laugh uncontrolably at everything he says (one could say he loosens my taint with words... but then one would be really vile).

I count on you, Kern, to add another heaping pile of steaming poo onto Kreitner's - not a commendation of his own craptacualr-osity!

Flop - you are here-by banned from using the term "gadget-play" again.

I mean really - what would Trish say?

Also - blow me.

Ya know... about the Devin comment... that was not an offer... I can quit on you (ref. to Brokeback Mountain and very funny to us lame @sses!)!

FlopTheNuts said...

Oh, I almost forgot about the MacGyver commercial!! That was one of my favorites, top 3 I'd say.

If you missed any, or just want to see them again, check out Also has last 5 years-worth of Super Bowl commercials.

Kern said...


Damfino said...

And finally - someone dug the smurfette' nipple bit. I have been throwing that out all weekend and no one has been hopping on the train!

Kern - I re-read your use of "dumpotorium" and I laughed that you responded to it. You are pardoned.

Mac looked tubby! Like the starting the rig bit.

The Full Throttle one with all of the stuff in it was pretty funny - not mind blowing.

Oh - yeah - we liked the cell phone with "theft protection."

That was good.

Kern said...

Wait, so did the comment about you spraying your manly tapioca in your pants count as filth layered over the Sheriff's filth?

Damfino said...

Sheriff's were aimed at my toilet... you are aiming at my crotch.

Stay away from my crotch.

Kern said...

How quickly you change your mind fickle man...

Damfino said...

Hey - you were diving at every crotch that weekend.

Josh had to start wearing his chastity cup again!

Kern said...

Well, as I've mentioned before, it's very hard to meet people in Seattle, so I was just being social.

Didn't see you rushing to stop me. Or the Midgets!

Sheriff Officer Greg the Bunny said...

What kind of $$$ off the rent is the slum lord giving ya'll for your work?

Kern said...

Jed opted to take it out in trade.

Rough Trade...

Damfino said...

I'll have to whiffle bat you Kern if you keep that up.

All materials are paid for - supurfluous nipple is added bonus.

Anonymous said...

Two words:
Aaron Neville

Kern said...

Oh Fino, I kid, I kid.

I was just trying to add my own special brand of filth to the proceedings.

So besides Smurf nipples is there anything else happening?

Damfino said...

If only Aretha could have eaten off that thing on Aaron's brow.


Not much else - saw Brokeback... not that great.

Kern said...

Hmm. Still haven't seen it. Though I am making a concerted effort for the first time in several years to see as many Oscar nominated films as I can before the awards. I have a darned big list to work through as a matter of fact.

Brokeback, Capote, Munich, Crash, Good Night and Good Luck, Syriana, Transamerica just to name a few...

Deit Heimley said...

Wait! You didn't like Brokeback? Admittedly, I did not cry my eyes out, but I thought it was a very good movie. It was not original at it's core, but that was sort of the point. It's a universal story. Put the characters in the Jim Crow South and make one a white woman and the other a black man and you have the same story. It's all about fear of an unaccepting society and how one can deny love out of fear. And aside from the story, it is a beautiful film in more than just the cinemetography. I realized I am a bit biased, but you are the ONLY one I have heard of who did not love the movie, and I am talking about a wide ranging group of friends (straight and gay).

OK, but that was not the point of my post. My point refers to the post by the sheriff about midway up. There he refers to: "After the Game Fino had Super Colon Blow LXLLIII" and I wanted to point out that this number is not technically possible. L is 50, so he is really saying 50+40+50+3 or 143. That would actually then read CXLIII. So really sheriff, you should have said "After the Game Fino had Super Colon Blow CXLIII"

Just wanted to be accurate. I mean I wouldn't want someone blogging around looking for stories of Smurf Nipples and end up with an inacurate Roman Numeral lesson from the site's resident Sheriff. It could really lead to a lot of future confusion amounst the children.

Just being helpful!