Thursday, June 01, 2006

How to smile awkwardly - by Jed Findlay


Cara and I did a little mini-vacation this weekend up to Stillwater, MN. The trip was short - sweet - but a little warm. Stillwater is a river town, sitting along the banks of the St. Croix (which runs into the Mississippi). An antiquer's dream, the town is full of little stores and wineries to quench yer thirst. Since neither of us dig antiques that much - we got loaded. Pictured above is our stop in Northern Vineyards.


Cara enjoys a nice cool Chardonay (it was not very good).


Jed winces in pain - realizing that his sunglasses are permanently melting onto his skull.


Here is the lovely couple in front of a scenic view of the town and the river. Cara had a little trouble walking back down the large amount of frighteningly steep stairs that we traveled to get up here!


This pic is here for one reason; somewhere along the path of my life I have lost the ability to pose for a picture. Look at this! What the hell am I doing? How can anyone look so awkward!??! Not to worry - with the readership of this blog, my camera-shattering looks won't be seen by many.


Finally, we sat and ate some lunch along the river - we also got to chat up a very sweaty bartender who told us stories of his Grandfather riding logs down the river in the early days of the town. I asked him what it was like growing up with a homosexual elder - he then explained with his sweaty fists that his Grand-pappy worked for the timber mill... and that I was welcomed to leave my shattered teeth on the bar.


Last pic - lunch was pretty good. The beer was good. As you can see I am still wincing from the melting sunglasses - and the bartender pummelling. Also, Cara decided she liked the shade so I was left with half of my body in the sun. Sadly, my right foot melted clear off of my leg.

No comments about my nub if you please.

Yo

28 comments:

urnotme said...

Cool pics, but the comedy bits sucked. Step it up!

krysta jo said...

Yes ... that's right ... you were at IKEA at likely the same time I was and we didn't even run into each other. Mad house.

Good pics - Stillwater is my favorite place in Minnesota so far.

I'm with Dan-o on the comedy. Not spectacular.

Kern said...

Well, while I agree that the comedy is not particularly equal to the normally dizzying heights of the Damfinoblog's comedic output, let's all keep in mind that Fino just wrapped a big project and may need to recharge a bit.

That said, I'm still waiting to see what his Kern Returns taglines are going to be. The welt from the zinger, "The Original Sperm Dumpster: Kern!" is still imprinted on my cerebral cortex from last year.

I cannot wait to see what filth the crew can concoct.

Damfino said...

Um - you can all blow me!

Write yer own sh*t!

Well - Kern... just smack yerself.

Damfino said...

Who the hell doesn't like a little melted nub humor?

The Kern Returns Again; This time its venerial.

Damfino said...

venereal - d@mnit!

Kern said...

That's pretty good. How about this one...

"The Kern Returns: Now Pants Optional!"

Kern said...

I was just looking back at a thread from a couple of days ago where Sheriff quoted your other awesome line, "Your urine will burn with the return of the Kern!"

Pure gold, Fino.

Damfino said...

Sent some off ot you Kern... but they lack. I musta got some bad ludes somewhere.

krysta jo said...

Jedy - you have a misspelled word in the headline. Ackwardly should be awkwardly. :)

Damfino said...

Thanks KJ - fixed on headline and post!

Kern said...

I think Kern Returns taglines are best concocted while drinking beverages that would strip the paint off of a barn.

I haven't really come up with any myself. Time for self flagellation!

FlopTheNuts said...

Allright, since we're corecting spelling... (Yes, the 2 misspellings in the previous sentence were made on purpose. Har har...) Uh, well... This one is more of a grammar thing.

In the post, "antiquers" should be "antiquer's".

Sorry, Lefty.

Looks and sounds like a good trip!

Damfino said...

Have I mentioned I hate you all?

Methinks I need to maim someone.

Kern said...

Hey, look at it this way, Jed. I noticed the spelling errors, but I kept silent!

Sheriff Officer Greg the Bunny said...

Did Jed say something funny in the post? I must have missed it.



b.o.


Kern Returns 2006:

It's Birdflutastic!

Damfino said...

That's it Sheriff - you lost your spooning privaleges.

Sheriff Officer Greg the Bunny said...

Cara took those a while ago. Lucky girl.


b.o.

Damfino said...

Actually, she prefers we not touch one another. It makes things complicated - but it is worth it.

She complained of me breathing on the nape of her neck... Hmmm - Sheriff never complained.

Kern said...

Yes, when Jed got a girlfriend the hopes of many little spoons were dashed against jagged rocks...

Myself included.

By the way, I don't know if I mentioned it but that Sunday night when I am back Mastrofski and I are going to Beach Girls so I can do some research for a short story I'm writing. The followup to Hallowed Be Thy Game has been far too long in the making.

Damfino said...

HA! So the followup is going to happen in a strip club??!

You're an odd duck Mr. Kern.

Kern said...

Well, it's a separate short story, actually. I'm trying to go all Richard Ford and do my own kind of Rock Springs or Multitude of Sins if you will. This story is about a kid who becomes instantly infatuated with an comely mature dancer who is stripping as field study for her doctoral thesis in Women's studies. She agrees to go on a date with the young lad because she wants to experience some of his youthfulness, and he wants to benefit from her maturity. Things don't go quite the way either planned on their evening out.

FlopTheNuts said...

A.k.a.: "What Happened To Me Last Saturday Night" by Alex Kern.

(And, oh, yeah - sorry, I can't resist - should be "a comely mature dancer" instead of "an comely ... ".)

Kern said...

Flop-Good catch. I have a bad tendency to leave on extra letters when I type quickly.

As far as strip clubs, to be honest, I am really not a fan. I went to one when I was eighteen and didn't really like it so much, but I kind of feel that in order to be accurate in my portrayal of certain aspects of the characters and the atmosphere, I need to refresh my memory since its been far too long to accurately portray the environments and people in the story.

I know there are skeptics out there, but I am on the level about this. Not that one can't enjoy research, I guess...

Sheriff Officer Greg the Bunny said...

Flop and I had an interesting experience recently at a club in Cedar Rapids; "Woody's".


Oh, the stories we could tell. Is it true that Blonds really do have more fun?

Flop, your thoughts?


b.o.

FlopTheNuts said...

OH

MY

GAWD!!!

That blond... Damn!

Without being too disrespectful on the blog, "that blond", as Sheriff put it, "hit the genetic jackpot".

That blond... Wow. I'll be in the basement...

Sheriff may think Brunettes have more fun. 'Eh, Sheriff? :)

Kern said...

I prefer Brunettes, myself. Redheads are my second favorites. ...but I'm not too picky. Well, about hair color anyhow.

FlopTheNuts said...

I prefer big jubblies.

Oh!