Friday, February 10, 2006

You're gonna get some hop ons... or not!

There are a lot of things in life that are unfair - it's not fair the Hawks lost to Northwestern this week... it's not fair that Jessica and Nick could not make it... but the biggest, most heinous act of unfairity... ahem... is what Fox has done to ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT.

I know we talk on and on about Gilmore and Scrubs and all sorts of other TV land fun... but Arrested really is the cornerstone of the true love I hold for television comedy. The show came out of nowhere - firing up three years ago with the Bluth company booze cruise being interupted by a gay pride party ("Those homosexuals are so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire.") - and never stopped to take a breath or disappoint in any way.

In our house, we would watch and re-watch and re-watch each and every episode. Hell, the week revolved around buying some Sunday dinner and sitting down to enjoy the new AD for the week (and often after we would re-watch other episodes!!). So much comedy - so many laughs... they all come to an end tonight.

I think we have all heard the complaints about Fox airing the final 4 episodes against the opening of the Olympics... which is essentially the biggest middle finger Fox could stick up Mitch Huriwitz's @ss! Regardless of the evil Fox Co - we need to make sure we take some time and enjoy these final episodes. There is no guarantee that any others will ever be made (and frankly, I think it is totally done - Huriwitz is too worn out and too heartbroken to go through any more).

It is a real shame that the show never took off - the move to Monday's was instant death for it. In fact, it has been given several chances to do well (though its numbers on Sunday night 2 years ago match what Family Guy is doing now!!!). Even the show itself has made reference to the fact that they have been given multiple opportunities to make it... "Maybe the Bluths aren't worth saving?"

I did my damnedest to get the show an audience. I handed out my DVD's... I begged and pleaded everyone at work to watch... but even some of my closest friends refused to invest in the show. Often, it seemed they feared the intelligence level of the series - feeling that the comedy would aim above their heads (or aim for humor that they don't want to have to work to laugh at). Which, honestly, was never the case with the series. It was smart in how it told its jokes... not in the jokes themselves (references were often self-ref... not poppy and hidden like Gilmore).

How different our lives would be... how many hours of pure joy would have been lost if this show would not have made it. 3 years is a good run - even though the past two seasons show orders have been cut substantially (18 year 2... 12 year 3). I guess we can continue to love the show on DVD.

It is just so insanely frustrating to know that such a quality series... such a fantastic half hour of perfect television... couldn't make it. In the end - it feels like we were only given half of a series... a stressed out, always on the edge of cancellation, show. What could they have done with more time... less stress?!?

We will never find out - tonight Aressted Development leaves our world... and we will be far less happy people without it. Take a moment today - give pause - show some love to the series that no one ever gave a chance.

And kick a non-believer in the groinal region for not watching... frankly, it is all their fault!

For now - a day full of AD rememberance is needed.




Damfino said...


Damfino said...

Everyone's laughing, and riding, and cornholing except Buster.

Damfino said...

O-kay, who'd like a banger in the mouth?

Right, I forgot, here in the States, you call it a "sausage" in the mouth.

We just call it a sausage.

Damfino said...

I guess I am the only one getting a kick out of this...

"Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn't like his trailer. He thought we were making fun of him."

Narrator: "They were not making fun of Andy Griffith. This cannot be stressed enough."

Kern said...

I just got here. I nearly shed a tear for your brilliant eulogy of the show. And to that I can only add:

"I can just taste those meaty leading man's parts in my mouth already!"


Damfino said...

That's not true! I love all my children equally.

I don't really care for GOB.


Kern said...

Thanks for reminding me about that by the way. I've been so tired lately I probably would have slept through the evening as is par for the course on a typical Kern Friday night.

One day I'll get back out there, perhaps. Yes, Kern will hit the town working on the night moves.

But probably not.

Sheriff Officer Greg the Bunny said...

In a tribute to the passing of AD I have again been watching the pirated season one dvd's that Fino provided the Clan Kreitner.

"G.O.B. why are you here in your bath robe?"

"Why is Buster here in his bathing suit?"

And finally,

"I won't cry I can't spare the moisture!"

bunny out

Kern said...

Heh heh. Good one Sheriff.

Not to switch the subject or anything, but the best way to deal with tragedy is with laughter. Which is why I suggest that anyone who didn't have a chance to see The Crotchety Bastard column I put up yesterday afternoon should take a look. Laughter heals the soul.

Plus I'm trying to increase my page views.

Damfino said...

Michael, you are quite the cupid. You can stick an arrow in my buttocks any time.

Damfino said...

Mother, not all homosexuals are flamboyant... and... oh my god, I have the exact same blouse!

I like it better on him.

Kern said...

This feeling that you're feeling is what most people call a feeling.

Kern said...

Do you like magic?

No...I love it!

Sheriff Officer Greg the Bunny said...

"Michael! Look at what the homosexuals did to me!"

"Can't you just comb it out and re-set it?"


PS: when season 3 appears on dvd I propose a weekend marathon of AD filled with laughs, drinks and alot of Steve Holt.

Kern said...

Oh mother, can't you just leave my hand to yourself? I think I'm going to have to run this again on pots and pans...

Sheriff Officer Greg the Bunny said...

"Michael, tricks are what whores do for cocaine...or candy"


Kern said...

My mom is very stressed out, and, uh, she needs something that I can’t give her. Um... maybe a little “Afternoon Delight”?

Well, sure. The question is, which way do I try to get it in her?

I don’t need any details.

Maybe I’ll put it in her brownie.


Damfino said...

You must teach me, George Michael. You must teach me the ways of the secular flesh.

Damfino said...

I am with the weekend of AD fun! Watch them all beginning to end!

Kern said...

No, no, don’t buy it. I’m taking my son to the cabin, and there’s nothing you can say to make me believe that you are not my father.

I understand. Your child comes first.

Oh, my God, you’re Oscar.


Damfino said...

I think George Michael may be suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or as we call it in the business, O.C. Disorder.

Don't call it that.

Damfino said...

Are those strippers?

If I know your uncle, they're at least strippers.

Kern said...

Tobias Funke: Analrapist.

Damfino said...


Kern said...

The soup of the day, is bread. Unless you're hear for the Poppins.

Kern said...

Er... "here" for the Poppins. Dammit.

Damfino said...

Hey, who wants to take me to the hospital?

Sheriff Officer Greg the Bunny said...

"Alright I'm Mr. Manager"

"Just manager son"

"I know but you just said"

"Just Manager"

"I am in love with this ice cream sandwich"

"I couldn't get away from the poker game T-Bone was down to his boxers"

"You play strip poker in here"

"Yeah but we can only play about....2 hands"


Damfino said...

I've made a huge mistake.

I know the feeling. I had you. I'm your father, Steve Holt! I can't hide from it any more.

I won't forget this... Dad.

[swallows roofie] I will. I will.

Sheriff Officer Greg the Bunny said...

"That's why you NEVER get out of the tree."

Kern said...

Taste the happy, Michael!

It tastes an awful lot like the sad.

Damfino said...

Do these effectively hide my thunder?

Damfino said...

This is what I am talking about... where is everyone else? No flippin support for the Bluths.

Even in their final hour.

Kern said...

You mean everyone else besides me and the Sheriff? I don't know. But it makes me sad. Very, very sad.

Mr. F!

Damfino said...

If I didn't have a live dove in my pants right now, I'd leap across the table and...

Ah, what the hell...

Ain't Right said...

I don't know about anyone else but I was in a meeting all morning.



GOB: my pocket...could you get one.


Narrator: That worked too.

Ain't Right said...

Okay, you can turn the music off. I already shot my wad.

Ain't Right said...

The Bluths ended up raising over $25,000 to fight “TBA.”

Damfino said...

Dad... the partition is not working... DAD!!!

Damfino said...

We were parked out by the tracks
we're sittin in the back
we just started getting busy
when she whispered what was that
the wind i think cuz no one else knows where we are
and thats when she started screaming thats my dad outside the car
o please the keys their not in the ignition
they must have fell on the floor while we were switchin our position
i guess they knew that she was missin
as i tried to tell her dad it was her mouth that i was kissin

o my

Kern said...

You’ve been spending a lot of time with Rita, and she’s British-ish.

Kern said...

If mother sees this, she will blow a cow.

Kern said...

Oh, yes, I’m going to be a great mole. Check, two, three. Let Lily lick Lionels lusty leathers...

Damfino said...

I released a seal into the ocean after giving it a taste for mamal blood.

Well, you have a better case than mom.

Damfino said...

I'm dating this Christian girl right now. She wants me to be honest and reconnect with my son. And I'm trying to get her to renounce God and f*ck me, but I just want to prove to her that I'm worth it!

Kern said...

These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship, and the gorilla is for sand racing

Damfino said...

What's her first name? Quickly!


Name's not Crindee, Gob.

Ah, Saul Zetzmann. Nope. That's her lawyer. Well, she's GOT a name. And I'm gonna find out what it is. And I'm gonna make a pun on it. And that's what I'll call her. Bad example: if her name's Amy, I'll call her "Blame-y."

Kern said...

That Steve sure knows how to please a lady

Good. I was hoping he would be gifted sexually. I guess it makes sense, you know, older guys expect certain things.

They do?

What a fun, sexy time for you.

Damfino said...



Ain't Right said...

I confess I had to look this one up.

Narrator: Tobias listens to a day’s worth of his own words, to see what Michael was referring to.

Tobias: (On tape.) ...even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up.

Tobias: Nothing wrong with that.

Tobias: (On tape.) Oh, I’ve been in the film business for a while, but I just can’t seem to get one in the can.

Tobias: It’s out of context.

Tobias: (On tape.) I wouldn’t mind kissing that man between the cheeks.

Narrator: and he realized there is something distinct about the way he speaks.

Tobias: Tobias... you blowhard!

Sheriff Officer Greg the Bunny said...

"Say goodbye to THESE Michael!!!"

"Girls with Low Self-Esteme"

"Zack Braff as a never-nude"

"there are hundreds of us"


Kern said...

Don't feel too badly. I have been cheating all morning using the Balboa Observer-Picayune as a crib sheet. If only I hadn't wasted all those brain cells with useless knowledge. Such as the fact that the line you stand on in darts is called an oche. Rhymes with Hockey!

But it's all about paying homage right? So here:

Lindsay: The thing about Tobias— that he’s never fulfilled me sexually.

Bob Loblaw: Can you catalog for me the various ways you’ve been promised to be fulfilled whether or not said promise was made explicit?

Lindsay: You want me to be explicit?

Bob Loblaw: Yes, but I will be needing to get off in four minutes.

Lindsay: Well, let’s see if I can’t hit that target for you.

Kern said...

Lucille: What’s a Forget-Me-Now?

G.O.B.: They’re pills that create a sort of temporary forgettingness. So if somebody finds out how you do a trick, you just give ’em one of these, and they forget the whole thing. It’s a mainstay of the magician’s toolkit, like how clowns always have a rag soaked in ether.

Tobias: G.O.B., this is Flunitrazepam. It’s a roofie.

Lucille: Those are illegal.

G.O.B.: Shut up, Mom. Don’t make me give you another one of these.

Damfino said...

You think I have been remembering all of these - you are nuts!!!

Michael Moore confronted me on national television!

First of all, that was not Michael Moore. That was a Michael Moore look-alike. And second it wasn't national television. It was for a bit, on Jimmy Kimmel Live.

I don't know what that is nor do I care to find out.

Kern said...

Tobias: Oh, look, it’s not all bad. I-I got Buster feeling better about his medal.

Buster: Not anymore. I’m getting rid of this thing. It has caused me nothing but pride and self-respect!

Sheriff Officer Greg the Bunny said...

Call me old school but all of the Sheriff's contributions today have been from memory.

I leave the field of battle victorious.

"Mint p*ssy, perhaps the worst Ben & Jerry's flavor"


ps: what up with tikibar tv no new ep in quite some time????

Damfino said...

I am definitely missing the Tiki love.

The Sheriff is obviously a far far better man than all of us! May some God strike him impotent.

Kern said...

Hear,hear. May his nether regions go quietly numb.