Friday, September 29, 2006

Happy, happy happy...joy, joy, joy!!!!

Happy Birthday Jed


May there always be enough lead in your pencil to finish your work.




Sheriff


ps: Have fun at the game on Sat. Remember when you get on camera it is Hi-Def. So lets get those nose hairs under control.

g

22 comments:

Damfino said...

A day early but the sentiment is there... you are making my tear ducts squirt - and I can't spare the moisture.

Thanks my man - I will be destroying myself in IC Saturday night in honor of successfully surviving 30 years on this planet...

mmmmmm - beeeeer.

Look for my perky nerps to make an appearance at the game Saturday.

I will be writing "SUCK ME" on my neck with an arrow pointing down - then I will pull off my shirt and show that I have written an "O" over my right nerp - an "H" &"I" in the middle of my chest and another "O" over my left nerp.

Classy all the way around.

Yo

Kern said...

I just love the way Fino refers to his lactators as "nerps".

In any case, I, too, would like to throw my heartfelt birthday wishes out there. As I've said before, a world without Jed is like a world without(fill in noun/verb/adjective of particular noun/verb/adjective that one would likely be miserable without), and I for one, say that would be a world I would not want to be a part of, ladies and gentlemen.

As a special celebratory gesture, when I'm doing my live porno feed this week, I'm going to shave "Happy Birthday, Jed!" into my massive chest muff while doing my filthy parody of Steven Botchco's "Cop Rock", which we're calling "Twat Rock", just in case you were curious.

Enjoy the day, old friend.

Sheriff Officer Greg the Bunny said...

I love when Kern entertains the web cam crowd by tucking his manhood and pulling a "Buffalo Bill"


good stuff.....


sheriff

Deit Heimley said...

Well, here we are. Jed is 30 (nearly). There is something not right with that. That would mean I am over 25, which I still find it hard to believe!!!

In the spirit of Kern, I will shave my one cheek with the initial J, and the other with the initial F, and as long as I don't get those backwards while looking in the mirror, it will be an honor to the memory of Jed's youth!!!

So a very merry birthday of drunken revelry to my my good friend. May the world be not nearly as cruel to you in the next 30 as it has been in the last 30!!!

Kern said...

Sheriff-Buffalo Bill. Nice one.

I haven't done any tuckage for a long time. I already get the question, "So, where is it?" enough without obscuring it any further. Then again, it could just be hard to see the the tree for the forest, if you know what I mean.

Deit-Shaved body parts. Solidarity, brother. That was some funny shit.

Sheriff Officer Greg the Bunny said...

Kern,

I you have trouble seeing your trunk you might want to "tend the garden" a bit more.

"Shave it and they will come."


sheriff

Kern said...

I just hired a lovely Japanese fellow who specializes in topiaries.

The hairs of my nether regions are going to be sculpted into a fierce T-Rex or perhaps Rodin's "The Thinker".

Damfino said...

Deit - I would much prefer you commemorate my Golden birthday with a golden... um... wait.

How bout a card?

Kern - when can we expect the webcam tuck-porn romp to occur?

Sheriff - you tickle my taint with your splendid references. Thank you for making my ass less uptight.

Yo

Kern said...

Fino-It looks like someone's excited for "Twat Rock"!

Sadly, there shall be no tuckage. But look for my new DVD, "Mr. Doublestuf Cums To Washington".

Damfino said...

That was precious Kern... just precious.

Kern said...

Your little man is all growed up...and I've become an adult, also.

Deit Heimley said...

I have head that the most attactive shaving is when it forms a little arrow that leads the way to glory. However, considering Kern's hair, I might suggest an entire set of directions. Though I am still on the fence on whether the words should be the positive or negative image. And am I spending too much time thinking about Kern's body hair???

I think the thing to remember is Jed's birthday.

WAIT!!!!!! That's IT!!!!!

Kern, you should shave the Happy Birthday song words into your chest and then video tape yourself plunking out the song on your keyboard with "daddy's little helper"!!!!!!!

A gift like that would be cherished for years, as well as make great entertainment at the re-enactment contest at Kern Returns '07!!!!!!!!!

Kern said...

Deit-Wow. Just wow.

I already have a treasure trail, but it leads to buried treasure. Which, as I've said, I'm having taken care of by a gardener. I was incorrect about the topiary thing though. It turns out that he's more an expert on bonsai, which seems a little more apropos in this particular situation.

Wait! This buried treasure idea could work for me! I just need to hand out a map to hot ladies which will direct them to follow said treasure trail, only I will be the one collecting the booty, as they shiver me timber.

Arrgh!

Kern said...

And for the record, while I may be an expert on listening to music, I'm not very good at playing it. It would stand to reason that my rendition of happy birthday with the ol' Kern Klub would not win over the ears of the masses.

Maybe we should do a Milli Vanilli kind of thing. I appear to plunk out the song with my wang, but in actuality, I have a classically skilled pianist(penis?) beautifully rendering the tune a la Glenn Gould in the background. What do you think, Deit?

Deit Heimley said...

Isn't that how Elton John met Bernie Taupin???

Suddenly the whole "Behind the Music" of your short-lived music career flashes before my eyes. "But as Kern was accepting the Grammy for Wang Wham's first album, little did he know the scandle his penis voice was getting high backstage-leading to the most disgraceful event in Grammy history was about to unfold."

Kern said...

See, this is the old Damfinoblog threads I know and miss.

"Sadly, after Kern's stand-in penis voice overdosed after the scandal, Wang Wham was through, and there was no way to wake him up before he'd go-go. His dong went back to attempting a solo career, to decidedly negative reviews."

Sheriff Officer Greg the Bunny said...

Not sure that Cara would allow intruders to enter your "taint" region now that she has been seen patroling those waters.

But, glad that you still see me a taint worthy.


sheriff


ps: Kern needs to shave the title of his new collected works into his chest as a sort of perfomance art billboard for his new book.

Kern said...

Or I could attempt to do the picture that was supposed to be the second cover. It would be a self referencing piece of art. A self portrait on myself.

That would rock. Though, the Sheriff's idea had merit. I laughed at first because I thought he was saying I had enough chest hair to actually shave all of my collected works on my chest, not just my title.

Man, what a thread, what a fucking thread!

Yeah!!!

Deit Heimley said...

Kern, I am concerned about your excitement level at this thread.

I just imagined a world where Sheriff was spooking with a crying Jed while gently tickling his taint and watch videos of Kern sculping topiaries out of his man-bush.

I'm not sure why Jed was crying, but I mean when you imagine that senario he's crying right??

Oh, and more to Kern, if you want to get the complex shapes, like letters, I think you need Nair over shaving or wax.

And double OH! If you do shave your book cover into your chest, will you also die your chest hair the appropriate colors of red???

Deit Heimley said...

And I need a new picture for my name. The Super Deit is getting old. Help me think of replacements!!!!!!!

Kern said...

Deit-I'm on the case.

Kern said...

For the record, my excitement level of the thread is due to the fact that this is the most irreverent filth action this blog has seen in months. It's an excitement born of nostalgia, really.