Monday, June 27, 2005

Add a story of your own

Change of pace.

This is brought to you buy the QueenB: "People watching at Oceans of Fun was crazy.
I saw a midget in the wave pool. I was nervous she wouldn’t make it. "

76 comments:

Damfino said...

Midgets paddling for life - killer!

I was leaving the parking garage on Friday, heading to the arts festival, and came upon a 60ish white haired dude making it with his 50ish honey. She had her hand down his pants.

I bolted for the stairs - stabbing my eyes as I ran.

krysta jo said...

In keeping with the midget theme...

I was wandering through a random airport in our fair country one day and wound up walking to the wrong terminal simply because I was following a midget couple who were holding hands. I thought it was sweet and I couldn't stop staring.

krysta jo said...

Yesterday on my drive home I passed a motorcycle on a country road and I had to look twice because I thought it was my grandma driving. I was wrong. It was her 85 year old neighbor lady.

urnotme said...

I am seriously lauging the hell out loud and horrified at the same time.

urnotme said...

and you asked ME if I'm from the south?????

Damfino said...

Anyone ever partaken in viewing midget porn?


... anyone?

krysta jo said...

Also...one day I was in the Wal-Mart in Perry, Georgia, and I saw a very nicely dressed African-American midget. This must be a rarity because I had never seen such a thing. I took a second loop through the aisle to verify that is what I saw.

krysta jo said...

My friend went to midget wrestling. Does that count? Also, my graphic design professor at BVU was married to a midget.

Damfino said...

You have a creepy need to follow midgets.

krysta jo said...

Not need. I prefer to call it a sick addiction. I am attracted to other people's differences (ie: missing finger, midget love, etc.).

Sheriff Officer Greg the Bunny said...

everywhere i go i see midgets....ah corse i am freakishly tall...and handsome....

sheriff

krysta jo said...

I simply cannot put people down for their oddities (such as the Sheriff's tallness) because, after all, I have freakishly long toes (AKA finger toes).

Damfino said...

AHHHH! Finger toes!!! You never told me that!!

And I almost... went out to try on boots with you!!!

Sheriff - you are amazing with your heighth... somehow when we spoon - you can be the big spoon... or the small!


It is really cool to see

urnotme said...

If what was said on this blog stayed on this blog I think I could drop a nice little midget story, but will not due to the after affects of said story.

Finger toes?
Gross

Kern said...

I am freakishly long.

Winded.

Long Winded.

urnotme said...

Yeah, that's what she said.

QueenB said...

Can midgets get pregnant, I tried to look it up once but all that came up was the xxx stuff.

urnotme said...

uh, why wouldn't they be able to?

Is that how you got addicted?

krysta jo said...

My finger toes are actually really pretty because they aren't otherwise freakish and they match my feet very well. GOSH.

I have often wondered about midget pregnancy.

I did watch the MTV "Real Life: I'm a midget" about 4 times and it still makes me laugh.

QueenB said...

what size would the kid be then?

Damfino said...

It is sad to see nice girls, like Queen B, lost in the world of Midget porn. The desperate cries for more filth... are unbearable.

I did see this sweet ass one called "Small Wonder!"

urnotme said...

Killin' me

krysta jo said...

I have heard rumors that midgets can have normal sized kids. Wouldn't that be odd?

krysta jo said...

In my search to find a scientific answer for Queen B, this is what I came across...

http://www.littlepeoplemeet.com/

I suppose now the Dept of Energy people are after me for looking at this on a "government" computer.

Kern said...

Jed: I didn't realize that your self-gratification material included a horribly executed sitcom about a family with a robotic daughter.

Diff'rent Strokes, eh?

urnotme said...

kern to the rescue...

Damfino said...

Kern - you grand bastard!!! Well done. Who knew that my love of Small Wonder would find a mate!

Do you remember the episode where Ted is in Arabia and has some young kid ruler he is trying to work with... and lets Vicki the robot get drafted into his harem.... priceless!!

krysta jo said...

random.

Q: What is a midget?

A: In some circles, a midget is the term used for a proportionate dwarf. However, the term has fallen into disfavor and is considered offensive by most people of short stature. The term dates back to 1865, the height of the "freak show" era, and was generally applied only to short-statured persons who were displayed for public amusement, which is why it is considered so unacceptable today.

Such terms as dwarf, little person, LP, and person of short stature are all acceptable, but most people would rather be referred to by their name than by a label.


I find the last part of this "rather be referred to by their name" oddly intriguing. Like if I saw a midget, I would just yell out "MIDGET" to get his/her attention? I usually have more manners than that!

Kern said...

I don't recall that one. I do, however, wonder about something else.

Is it just me or did Ted and his wife seem a little sexually repressed?

Also, remember the one when their son Jamie tried chewing tobacco? And he swallowed it?

Ha ha. Awesome!

Damfino said...

Dude - that was like 2nd season... the show was in its prime then... I am talking 4th season... when Tiffany Brissette was coked out and hating her TV robot persona....

Kern said...

Jed: Yeah, towards the end she didn't even seem to try sounding like a robot anymore. It just sounded like someone who was extremely burnt out and bored. Why couldn't they have built her a big sister who was in college?

Now that would have been a recipe for success. She could have been amply proportioned, and the cast could have made jokes ad nauseum about her "Little Wonders".

While we're on the subject of co-eds, you wouldn't happen to know any who like drinking beer and getting saucy with charming out of town guests would you?

krysta jo said...

Did you just say saucy?

Kern said...

Indeed.

Kern said...

KJ: Uh, you wouldn't happen to know any who like drinking beer and getting saucy with charming out of town guests would you?

Damfino said...

KJ - bring a group of em if you please!

Buttercup said...

Saw a Mexican Midget in the fair town of Muscatine....oooh..ooohh and I also saw a midget girl leaning on a bench felt kinda bad for her. I wanted to pick her up and put her on the bench. I feel so dirrrrttyyy should have used LP

Kern said...

Years ago my mum used to work for a non-profit organization for special needs persons to receive home training to be self-sufficient. As a kid I would sometimes have to go to her work after school, if my older sister was not going to be home to watch my sister and me. I just remember being the shortest kid in my class and thinking I would never get taller and then I met some of the Little Persons that were there. Even at that age, I realized it could have been much worse, and that at least in my case it wasn't forever.

Damfino said...

And the filth from left field comes courtesy of miss Buttercup!

I now have visions of you holding some midget like a baby... and the LP is trying desperately to escape!

Kern said...

And I second Jed's plea to KJ to bring some cute co-eds round...

krysta jo said...

I have never seen a Mexican midget, so I am definitely jealous of you Buttercup.

I will think about some of my friends - but keep in mind that I am by far the most normal and socially-acceptable. Maybe I can get my sister to join me that weekend.

Damfino said...

Why do I get the feeling that I will be pummelled with towels during the Kern celebration.

Kern said...

Why?

Damfino said...

KJ is a cad... notorious for such displays of affection. With her sister there - she will be apt to cause a scene.

Kern said...

Scenes can be cool...but what I need is some definite debauchery. Something that will make people here realize that I'm not a 55 year old man in the chiseled(read doughy) body of a 26 year old man.

Some tales that make the most hardened disbeliever in my youthfulness stand up and say, "Hot Damn, the Kern is still, dare I say it, SPICY!"

That's what we need, by God. We can do it in our lifetime. If we pull together, there can be lewd and lascivious behavior in our time!

Damfino said...

Well - if we are going to reach those kind of heights (and man, no pressure on the event or anything) we are going to have to include some violence and nudity. Perhaps we can have our evil midgets sacrifice an attendee to the house gods... then we can strip Jer naked and make him do the dance of joy.

krysta jo said...

I have absolutely nothing to do with the towel incident. I cannot believe you don't believe me Jed.

It's sad to say but I don't have a super lot of single female friends. I have been scouring my brain for names, and very few come to mind. I'm one of the last rebels, one of the few who have yet to fall into the arena of wedded bliss.

Damfino said...

Wedded bliss... is that like doing smack?

Kern said...

Are you in class with any sweet young co-eds?

Kern said...

Actually they don't have to be that young. Just co-eds...preferably cute.

Kern said...

The word smack reminds me of that cereal with Dig 'Em the frog.

That was a tasty cereal.

Damfino said...

Slipping out folks... more talk of coke laced cereal and non-existent co-eds tomorrow!

Pleasure having Buttercup join the fun... and Queen B too.

Everyone else - YO!

krysta jo said...

I prefer crank.

Anyway...no...the only girls in my Stats class are foreign or weird and annoying. Take your pick.

Kern said...

But are they cute?

Kern said...

Ah, well. Can't blame a single, desperate guy for trying.

krysta jo said...

I only know one of the foreign girls and she's awesome but I don't think she's into partying. The annoying girls are not cute. They are annoying.

krysta jo said...

I'll try to find some more cute girls for you Alex. But...don't be surprised if I show up alone.

Sheriff Officer Greg the Bunny said...

I bet the mexican LP would be the only person to realy be full after ordering from the newly pimpted "I'm Full" Value Menu at Taco Bell...I ate two value choices in one sitting and they didn't do squat to curb my hunger!

Maybe I should have eaten the LP along with my value meal? Mmmmmm....LP......

sheriff

let the revolt begin

Deit Heimley said...

I step out to do some actual work, and I miss it all. OK, here's run down of my vital information for all of you damfinoblogites

1. Midget is not a good word to use. Though not as offensive as others, I take a small amount of offense at it's use. Perhaps that's because I too am a midget and I take great offense.

2. Little people usually have normal sized babies. Drwarfism is a dominate genetic mutation. Average sized people have the ressessive gene, so the odds of two people with dwarfism to have a dwarf child is less than 50%. So most little people with kids have average sized children. Which just has to make breastfeeding interesting.

3. I can bring the Kern some saucy dames to chase around. I can't gaurentee that they will be 100% woman, but if you turn out the lights its all the same anyway. And heck, Kern could go home with a few new trick up to show off to the ladies.

4. MY GOD!!! OK, Small Wonder was mildy ammusing when you were high, but come on Jed ... are there no limits to your geekiness???

5. Finally, for true and utter mind-blowing "we tell no one what happened here" good times, you MUST MUST have a hot tub. Having been in stories that involve a hot tub enough to realize this point, I think it is vital that Jed get a hot tub ASAP. You have no idea just how ... um ... f-up people can get when you mix lots of alcohol and a hot tub. I recall a story I am sworn to deny that made even the best porn seem boring. I, being not as drunk as the others, kindly sat on the side with the camcorder and am now reaping in the rewards!!! So remember -- hotness -- hot tub! OK??

Kern said...

Good point, Sheriff. Though methinks that eating an LP would cause a wee bit of indigestion.

Also, I have not partaken in the Big Bell Value Menu, however, I can eat there like there is no tomorrow. I can usually eat 3 or 4 Chalupas followed by several crispy tacos. I am a hearty eater by God. I want my value menu to reflect that. Is that so wrong?

By the way, we don't have a Hardees here. I am dying to try that Monster Thickburger everyone has been wringing their hands about. Do they sell them in DM?

krysta jo said...

You are in luck - one of the last remaining Hardees in Iowa that is south of Hwy 30 is in Des Moines. I believe on my random trip through Des Moines looking for the concert, I passed one. It was rather scurvy, but if you do the drive-through you might live. I seriously suggest you hit up a Sonic. I love them!

Kern said...

I wonder if the Monster Thickburger is any good. Strangely, I have never been to a Sonic in my life.

For nostalgia purposes, I might try to get out to a Taco Johns. I haven't had a Mexiroll in 6 years...

krysta jo said...

Oh I LOVE the Taco John's. Potato Oles!!!

If you can swing it, you must go to Sonic and have a grilled cheese, medium tator tots and a strawberry limeade. That's my idea of a perfect lunch.

Kern said...

Do they fry the tots? I LOVE fried Tater tots!

krysta jo said...

Yes they do and tator tots so very much rule this world. The only thing better would be if I could get a little cup of applesauce on the side. It would be just like kindergarten all over again...minus the stinky boys, cooties and afternoon naps.

Kern said...

Wow, that sounds awesome. I think there may still be a Hardee's in Clive from the website's little map. That Monster Thickburger looks like a delight, and one that taunts my deprived Pacific Northwest Tastebuds.

Did you ever have the Mexirolls at Taco Juan's?

krysta jo said...

No I have never had those. I tend to stick with things that are easy to order in the drive-through (ie: things I recognize like tacos, burritos, etc.).

Kern said...

I like applesauce as well.

Oh, and in response to an earlier comment, even if you don't bring a carload of cute co-eds, you bringing your lovely self over will be more than adequate.

Kern said...

Mexirolls are great road food though. Because they are self-contained, fried, and not too messy unless you try to dip them in the excellent nacho cheese. That is the best side for them by the way.

krysta jo said...

Oh my. Now I have been called lovely. Today has been an outstanding day for me on the blog. So many compliments, so little time!!

What exactly are mexi-rolls? Are they corn tortillas or flour tortillas?

Kern said...

They are flour, and they are rolled with beef and refried beans and then fried. You get about 4 of them per pack and your choice of dipping sauce. I vote Nacho Cheese. Also good with sour cream.

It's got the Kern's seal of approval!

krysta jo said...

Ohhhhh YUMMY. I am not a corn tortilla kind of girl so I shy away from those, but the mexi-rolls sound great. Maybe if I ever leave work tonight, I'll swing by.

Kern said...

Ooh, if you do, let me know how they were. I just remember them being so awesome. It was the last meal I had with anyone before I left Des Moines for Seattle.

Not counting me eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch out of a plastic cup with the movers the next morning.

Kern said...

Well, Hell's Belles, it's nearly time for this cat to peel on out of here.

As usual, 'twas fun. Have a Mexiroll for me. I want details!

QueenB said...

anyone out there?

urnotme said...

I am, but I'm guessing you are not.

Kern said...

I'm here too.