Monday, June 27, 2005

The Return of the Kern

KernReturns copy

Hide your children, the kern returns on July 15th for a few days of debaucherous fun in the Iowa sun. Friday, we will be having a shin dig at my home - everyone who would like to attend is welcome. Bring some drinks - chat it up with the Kern - and maybe, just for a moment... realize how great your life could be.

22 comments:

Deit Heimley said...

You do realize though that you have now invited the entire web-watching world to a party right?

Or at least the entire world with nothing better to do than read blogs. This could be interesting.

So ... will Findley Inn be open for to accomodate the scores of celebraties and international guest who will be coming to West Des Moines, Iowa USA for this party? Will there be special rates for a weekend visit?

Damfino said...

First off - I cannot believe you miss-spelled my name... my gullet is inflamed with anger.

Of course we will house anyone who needs a spot. My bed will hold 3-4 women by it self!

We also have loads of corners and carpet for people to huddle up on and sleep.

No food of course.. but perhaps one lucky guest will offer themselves up to the party gods and we can plan a round of ALIVE!

Kern said...

Thanks for the warm welcome Mr. Findlay.

I just hope that I can live up to the hype. I am very excited to meet some of the nice people that I've come to befriend on the Damfino blog, as well as a lot of old friends that I rarely get to see. I have a feeling the evening is going to rock our f*cking socks off.

By the way, Jed, I'm still awaiting further comment on last week's Listen, Listen,...Listen!!! column.

Deit Heimley said...

Yes. I realized as soon as I pressed send that I had misspelled your name. F@#$king Bill Gates Microsoft spell check. You see Deit is not a world class speller. He once remembers a fond childhood of red ink before the advent of decent spell checkers. So Deit composes his elegies on Wordpad and does a copy and past into this format. Unfortunatly, Microsoft has learned that use Apple products, and has made the decision to misspell your name in Wordpad as a small measure of revenge.

So terribly sorry. Not my fault. And I do plan on having Bill Gates killed in response to this egregious error.

And how can you have no food? Have you learned nothing from my bacchanals!! You must have light food or guests get drunk too fast. The greatest debauchery happens when a certain level of fatigue and drunkeness is reached. To get to that point, guest have to be midly drunk for a long period of time. And to do that you need to sustain them with light food for a while.

You see, most people have the mistaken idea that the goal of a great party is to get really drunk. However, those people would be mistaken. The goal of a GREAT party is the complete annihilation of the guest's inhibitions.

That is what makes a very good party truely fabulous!

Kern said...

Perhaps we'll get a Big Grab of Chee-tos brand Cheese Flavored Puffed Corn Snack.

So true, so true.

Deit Heimley said...

Oh, and while we are on this stream. I should also announce my own party on the following day. Me and a few of my closest friends are having a Cancer Party on July 16th. If you have no idea why we would be having a Cancer party on July 16th, you have just failed the intelligence test required to enter the party.

Details are still being set (we are trying to round up a pool for the Cancers), but it will begin around 6 PM or so on the 16th and will definitly be done by 10:30 PM July 17th.

Be there ... or don't.

Damfino said...

Hmm - an itelligence test to enter a celebration... that sounds very Heimly-ish.

Deit - you are a cruel b@stard. But your parties generally rule. Hopefully I can bump up my iq by next Saturday.

Yo

Kern said...

From the look of it, you'll have a couple of weeks. I think he said the 16th.

Damfino said...

Sorry - I keep eliminating next week due to vacation... thanks for the slap elkerno!

Kern said...

Anytime, my man.

urnotme said...

Seriously.
I can not believe you listed your addresss. You failed the IQ test before you even got to Deit Cancer Fest Test! I'll be there, but still probably square.

BTW- Wyatt needs to bring those green drinks. Are they grasshoppers?

And hey, what is the animated kern standing on in the invite picture??

Fight the power.

Out.

Damfino said...

I need to explain that Kern created the graphic - I am simply a facilitator.

Grasshoppers.... yum yum... dang... that sounds sooooo yummy.

Get on that Deit!

Damfino said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Kern said...

Urnotme: That would be Don Knotts standing on a Roland System 100 synthesizer.

This invite was actually adapted from one I did for my friend's band. In theory, I thought it was just going to be forwarded by Jed via email to the Damfinobloggers that we know, but I guess it went a little different than I expected. Not that that's bad. Especially if Jed can round up some pretty, Belle and Sebastian listening co-eds to show up.

Kern said...

Who deleted a post?

Damfino said...

The post deletion was mine... slicing wrists as we speak...

Kern said...

Tsk, tsk. KJ, slap him please.

krysta jo said...

Trust me...he'll pay for that!

Kern said...

Righty-o, KJ, righty-o!

Damfino said...

stop being mean to me

Kern said...

Sorry, old pal. It was tough love for the deleted post.

krysta jo said...

Jed if you would get out of the gutter and quit deleting posts, we all would be a LOT nicer to you. Maybe.