Thursday, May 26, 2005

Janitors are scary

The janitor in my building won't leave me alone and now it's getting scary.

Why does it seem that most janitors have problems like unpaid child support, crazy ex-wives, and a history of unemployment? Is that a pre-requisite for the job? Do employers ask about that kind of thing? Also...his dental hygiene leaves a lot to be desired.

Where is my body guard?


Kern said...

What's this guy's story? Is he actively stalking you, or just not respecting your personal space?

I've had a sour taste in my mouth about bodyguards ever since that time Kevin Costner was supposed to protect me, and spent most of the time making eyes at me instead.


Luckily, he hit the bricks and I continued my world tour. But then I...oh, damn, that wasn't me. That was Whitney Houston.

Perhaps you could hire Jed in his sometimes shirtless glory to throw a scare into the guy...

krysta jo said...

Thanks for the laugh. I often get myself confused with Whitney Houston too - especially when she's making out with hottie Kevin Costner.

Either I can get Jed to scare him off, or I can mention my "close" relations with a sheriff in Georgia. That should scare any hilbilly back into their shack - even if the story isn't exactly true.

Kern said...

I find I most often confuse myself with Whitney Houston when I fight publicy with Bobby Brown.

Alright, I guess that's just patently untrue. I must say that I really do not care for Whitney Houston at all. She was great back when she wanted to "dance with somebody". I nodded in earnest agreement as she told us "The Children Are Our Future". But somehow, this sweet, fresh faced daughter of gospel turned diva on us. And she can never go home again.

I digress...who is this janitor exactly? Would you describe him as more the Deliverance or The Hills Have Eyes type of backwood creep?

Maybe you should round up a posse...a group of young tough lads to scare him into wetting himself.

See how he likes them apples...

krysta jo said... are making me giggle while sitting here alone in my office.

I would have to say the janitor is like ... well he's like the guy in Georgia who pulled a gun on me and told me that the war wasn't over (minus the accent).

Or maybe he is like the scary guy in the Piggly Wiggly in Alabama who followed me around and was talking to himself.

I am now shaking and need a caffeine infusion.

Damfino said...

Kern, I find it odd that you would often think of yourself as Whitney Houston. Though, you do have that "crack is whack" shirt that you parade around in.. and you often can be found whoring yourself around town for a quick fix. Odd.

Krysta - give the janitor a break. He has finally graduated from secretly thinking about you late at night in the privacy of his outhouse - to getting within 10 ft of you without having to run home to talk to his stuffed animals. He will come around to asking you out eventually. Be patient.

I am out sick today (and sadly, I am really sick for once) but I am glad to see the time waste that is the damfinoblog can continue to rule... if only Krysta Jo would have posted a nice pic of the gentlemen.. hmmm.

krysta jo said...

Jed you are sick and wrong and really gross.

And...what was I supposed to do - say "Stand there freak-o-zoid while I take your picture so that my friends and I can point and laugh."??? I don't think so.

I have new photos from KC with my sister...

Kern said...

Hmm, well I guess he's more the Deliverance type, then.

Jed: In my second post, I dismissed all the Whitney Displacement as being patently untrue. Obviously, you have spent the better part of the morning getting Tussined up.

For the record, however, let it show that I do own t-shirts with the following slogans: Wayne Kerr, Sexy Geriatric, and Genuine Nerd. Though a "Crack is Wack" shirt sounds like a good candidate for a new shirt.

Also, I think Krysta Jo is right...I learned from an educational film that one should never, never take a picture of a psychotic hillbilly, no matter how much they hang around looking for attention.

I think there might be pest traps designed for guys like that. But you have to bait them with a combination of the right lures. In this case I think a case of Old Natural, a copy of Juggs, and a Confederate Flag should do the trick.

krysta jo said...

Kern - you are killing me and bringing up really bad memories of my time in the south. Please stop!!

I want a tshirt that says "I'd like to buy the world a coke"

Kern said...

Krysta-Sorry about that. I've never lived in the South, but I can imagine it would be the sort of thing I might like to forget.

Interesting T-Shirt choice...I think that I am going to most likely have a T-shirt made before I visit Des Moines that says, "Four Square Players Do It In Rotation".

By the way, where is King Jed? Still getting Tussined up at home?

That reminds me, what am I going to do when no one is here to post new stuff on here? What will I do with my nearly unlimited supply of witty comments and wry social commentary? Where will it go? I'll explode!

Damfino said...

Take up cross stitching.

Make up a bunch of those 4 Square shirts... we can be a roving gang of 4sqaure thugs.

I am still out of it (I just pissed off the big boss man himself - Tyselling is out for my blood) and I really look forward to heading home and draining my skull.

Kern said...

Jed, does this mean you were at the office, but you went in sick and now you're going home?

Draining Your Skull...I think that should be the name of the next Humboldt Figure that gets released.

Any more word on the Janitor, by the way?

krysta jo said...

The janitor has left the building. He came in this morning to chit chat but I was on my cell on a super important personal call. Thankfully!

When Jed says that he is "sick" he really means "slacking."

Be careful of Tysseling, he's a big scary man and could squash you like a June Bug.

Kern - I suggest you take up knitting instead of cross-stitch. I need a new sweater and matching hat - try to have those finished by the time we get back from Texas.

Thanks for your support - keep on truckin.

Damfino said...

Keep on Trucking!?!? It is really scary when your southern idosyncrsises come out.

Your mother told me her tale of popcorn woe - very funny - should post the pics here.

krysta jo said...

Done..and quit making fun of my redneck slang. Every now and then I just can't resist.

Kern said...

Popcorn woe? Do tell...

I think this is the second time in the history of this blog that people have suggested I do some sort of crafts with needles.

The Kern does not knit.

Besides, crafts aren't really my forte so to speak. You'd probably end up with a sweater with two heads, or three armholes, and I doubt you want that.

If I had some canvas, I could crank out a small painting by the time you got back, though. I have gotten rather quick with the paintbrush the last few months. In fact, one of my paintings has been requested to adorn a bar in Portland, OR. owned by my older sister's boyfriend. A regional art thing.

Jed, have you gone home yet?

Damfino said...

Nein - have tons to do before I leave.

Be sure to look at Krysta's blog... of course it pales in comparison to the mighty damfinoblog...but we must support those less fortunate.

(Hopefully she won't read this..ever)

Kern said...

I actually have been, as a matter of fact. I should probably post over there as well.

Plus, I can't remember the last time I saw KC pics. I used to love going to KC as a kid. Good memories.

So, Jed are you going to be posting from the road or no?

Damfino said...

You betcha... if I get everything organized today (two bloody laptops - dvd player - gotta finish that dvd... power converter... need gin) then I will be posting without problem.

Will take a pic of each call girl I bring back every night... maybe a note or two about their lives.

Kern said...

Oh thank God, I thought I was going to have to go a whole week without Damfinoblog. You would have come back to me sitting in front of a blinking cursor with bleary eyes and a wizened frame.

I think it's admirable that you'll post something about the call girls you bring back to the hotel.

By God, it's high time that people realize that these are people. People who sell their bodies for money, perhaps, but people nevertheless. Bravo, sir. Bravo.

I look forward to more blogging goodness!

Now about the Popcorn Fire...someone fill me in?

krysta jo said... make me sad.

Damfino said...

Krysta? I thought you left... nothing that was said is real... we do not condone whoredom!

Popcorn fire... Krysta's poor mother Becky, fired up some popcorn that did not want to pop. In the pic, you see her explaining what happened to the fireman who is taking down the story to re-tell while drinking with his buddies.

krysta jo said...

No I am sad becuase you said I am less fortunate.

ps. nice email blunder. Very cute.

Also...remind me to tell you my half-person story when you see me in Texas.

Kern said...

Oh, now Jed doesn't believe in whoredom...

I kid, I kid. Neither one of us condone it. Both of you have a safe journey and post a lot while yr by the pool or what have you.

They're closing my office early today, and I'm most likely going to hide in my stuffy apartment and watch Ozu's Good Morning, so I can send these films back to Netflix to get some new ones. That and the Indy 500 on Sunday. Good times.

Later, folks.

pat stangle said...

does anyone want to smell my finger?