That's right! "She's a Beauty" came cranking out of the wonderful Dolby system at Jordan Creek and I giggled as a montage of Deuce dates occured. A hunchback - a chick covered in poo - and a Russian with a leaky appendage for a nose.... loads of gross out low brow stuff - tossed together with a cool Tubes beat.
I actually enjoyed myself.
Ok - so perhaps my decent into lower class mediocrity is now offiical - but I gotta be real to my instincts. I came in not wanting to see the movie at all - and actually began to hate the opening... but slowly, the dumb jokes and cute ladies got to me... and I found myself laughing very hard. Not Wedding Crashers hard... but still, more enjoyable than Dukes and Bad News Bears (Dukes gets special kudos for the car stuff - the rest aint funny)!
Admittedly, things turned around in the film as the young hottie Eva (pictured above), Deuce's love interest, showed up. The actress' name is Hanna Verboom and she pretty much turned my frown upside down. So - just so we understand each other - I am reviewing by the loins.
Deuce was a stupid fun movie... badly made - with some really tasteless stuff (and lame crap too - I think it is the first time I did not laugh when a cat attached itself to a character's giblets - with a not very humorous scene of kitty violence that followed - lame!)... but in the end - not a bad way to spend 75 min. I can't wait to go out to the Sheriff and Buttercup's place, grab a few cold beers, sprawl on their couch - and laugh away a Saturday night with Deuce - the Kreitners - and the girls.
YO
160 comments:
Glad the new Deuce grabbed some of the magic of the original.....
Now I'm not trying to flip you over and do you dry here, but I anticipate liking it very much...
And everyone knows chicks like width...width...
I lok forward to a viewing very soon.
Nice review Fino.
bunny out
Dear God - I know realize that my comments on film this past few weeks have been about Dukes of Hazzard, the Dream Team... and Deuce!
Yes - I went to film school!
Just because you went to film school doesn't mean you have to only treat us to meaningful movie reviews of fantastic (but odd and sometimes boring) movies. Though...I question Duece -- probably going to see it in the comforts of my trailer park when it's out on DVD. But...I did see that the black guy was in it again and he was my favorite from the last one.
Roger Ebert gave it NO STARS... so did our local boy Jeffrey Bruner!
Who agress with the critics though? It's their job to be negative. I prefer to go with my own lack of judgement when it comes to movies. That's probably why I always wind up with the crappy ones. Oh well. I totally dug Dukes despite the wretched acting.
I only go to them to compare to my own opinion. Ebert has been a struggle lately - I hated the American Pie movies (the first was ok - but the other two were wretched!!) and he gave all of them *** stars.
Dukes was passable - deserved ***.
It just scares me that instead of talking about the new Werner Herzog film - or Bergmann's final film... I am chatting up Rob Schneider's aueturistic work!
Well, Manny Farber would love me!
I like critics. The snarkier the better.
I'm mildly kidding. The truth about critics is that they are just like your friends. You know which friends of yours like the same kinds of movies you do, so you have to just find the one critic that you agree with all the time and listen to him. I mean, that is if you're going to listen to a critic.
Speaking of movies most people would probably find boring, I saw a French movie by Jacques Becker last night that was pretty good. It's called Casque D'or, and it's from 1952. The lead in it(Serge Regianni(sp?)) was awesome. I like movies where an actor can say so much about their character without having to say too much.
Speaking of Werner Herzog's new film, it looks wicked. I hope it comes here soon. I haven't seen much of his actual fictional output, but his documentary about Klaus Kinski called My Best Fiend, was brilliant!
Deit: That's the funniest thing I've read all week.
Deit that was pretty funny. Thanks for the interesting take on our friend Jed-o.
I was especially laughing at the part where in an alternate universe the marquee at the Varsity would read "Deuce Bigelow:Male Gigolo" and how many arthouse people would still go just because it was at the Varsity. That and the crack about the boner. Comedy gold.
Deit: The barcoding's ok. My "crew" is made up mostly of summer help, so one kid's been out almost more than he's been here, and the other is great, but is a college student who plays squash and has to leave early twice a week for practice, and a guy from Office Services who recently broke his foot and is doing data entry for us for a while.
Overall, it's good. We seem to be relatively on target but it's kind of coming into the home stretch, as our deadline is August 31st.
By the way, did you read earlier in the week I finished my short story?
Jed: Funny story about cats and giblets to make up for your disappointment...
Megann and her husband just got a new cat. So my sister has been really into text messaging me at work lately, I don't know why. But not once but twice she told me stories of how the new cat has jumped into her significant other's lap and stepped all over his nads. Twice! And then she laughed!
She has no idea what the pain of the crotch crunch feels like.
What a sadist!
So anyway....
Hello all....
I don't know, but I told my sister that she had better watch out or my Dad's going to be mad if he can't have grandkids due to cat jumping sterilzation.
Also, to answer your other question the story is a little over 15,000 words.
Hi Urnotme.
Deit - I was not aware that being a gay cultural snob inhibited you! Though now I understand why Jerry was so bored and annoyed with the Dukes evening - if only those who believe they hold a certain level of cultural superiority could drop their hallucinatory aspirations, then maybe they could enjoy an evening of crazy fun.
But then again - I am not gay - culturally superior - or upstart.... really!
I am fearful of the apparent kitty violence occuring at your sis' home. Protect thy unmentionables!
Ugh - State Fair.
Isn't anyone tired of this boring old trick of walking around faking interest in agricultural crap... then eating a bunch of fatty goods... and watching ugly fat people waddle through trash centric crowds!
Wow --- Jed --- we are no longer bff. That one cut right to the core.
Morning!
Absolutely Deit! Are you?
Are you going to that country concert?
That reminds me..KJ I have some extra tics to the Jo De Messina concert on sunday.. you interested?
KJ - no worries. I know you love the fair... and love to watch the trash waddle.
I am just worn out on it... though pork on a stick sounds awesome right now!
It doesn't do a lot for me, but I don't live there anymore so my opinion doesn't count.
As far as the Dukes thing, maybe it's not the case that people can't drop a certain level of cultural superiority, but perhaps everyone's version of "slumming" is a little different. For example, the Dukes thing doesn't do anything for me, but I'd be the first guy in line for any blaxploitation movie. I realize that many of those films are certain not Oscar winning material by any means at best, and can be filthy grindcore at worst, but I just love it despite the fact that most people really don't see the appeal.
I think deep down everyone's got a special appreciation for certain types of lowbrow entertainment. It doesn't neccesarily make a person snobby if their lowbrow doesn't match that of the next guy.
Why are you calling me ugly and fat
you should go just to hit some trashy ladies yo.. easy scores at the fair..
you could do it next to the butter cow or on a tractor
Topic people...keep on topic...
DEUCE RULES....
"Did I give you pleasue?"
"Nope...her is $20 bucks you better haul ass"
The chick with taurettes (sp) was the shit in the first one!
Sweet.. jed's bitching out so he won't be there.. I guess he's scared to see the past(mullets and such). I don't know about the concert. I have 7 tics.. I offered my mom a few and just asked KJ but she's too good for them. Holly says she doesn't like the country chick, but I'd like to see it so we'll see....
Deit - I know you are kidding about all of your cultural superiority crap - hell, you did Ninja Porn in your early days!
Fair point Stevens - regardless of how disgusting I think some of the fat trashy people are at the fair - the fat trashy women would take care of my man needs.
Speaking of social superiority - I am surprised no one got my Manny Farber reference. Slightly disappointed kids.
Have you guys noticed the amount of Spam we've been getting around here lately? And the stuff it's for is quite ridiculous.
Country sluts rule! Count me in!
Check out my site for a new and improved Penis Pump: biggerumphinyourpump.com
OH MY GOD.
Dan --- I would be up for JoDee except that she is the closest thing to a man/woman that I have ever seen. Also, Boyfriend Dan will be in town this weekend and I don't know when he's taking off to go back to the cities, but it's likely going to be later afternoon/early evening. So...that's a long way of saying...Gosh thanks but it won't work this time.
Jed - do not punk out on the state fair. It is Iowa's shining moment for 10 days each year.
Wait...we did see a man/woman at Dukes. I almost forgot.
Just puked a little in my mouth at the memory.
Anyone going to be at the fair on Saturday??
LMAO
too funny... I'm not sure if it matters to you KJ but the concert is like at 12 or 1 or something...
YEAH we never talked about the transvestite that Jed tried to pick up and got shot down by.
Holly and I may hit the fair on Sat night.
All right, which one of you put up the fake penis pump ad?
Jed? Fess up, buddy.
Oh my god...that was great!
If the concert is at 12 or 1 then it definitely won't work. Thanks though...I really appreciate the offer.
Did Jed have a perm/mullet when he tried to pick up the transvestite?
Jed wanted to slam a tranny in the fanny and got rejected?
That's harsh, man. I feel for you. It's a rough world out there dating these days.
I'll be there Saturday night - we are going tonight to a concert then tomorrow all day and probably part of the evening too.
Wow - I could not have said that better myself. Hey, if you are bored, check out my new website.
www.michaelbay.com
By the way, in retrospect the Manny Farber ref was tops. Good job.
So true, so true.
I knew someone would try the site. Thanks Kernal for proving me right.. just joking...
Ok that's cool Krysta..
Doesnt he always have a perm?
Kern that was hilarious!
Yeah ok good point.
Dan you are a great addition to the blog because you got all the dirt on Jed and it's so fantastic.
Which concert are you going to?
Hey maybe we'll see you out there sat then
I did not try to pick anyone up - he/she had a date... that would be rude.
I did not put the pump add up - sounds like a Sheriff maneuver.
Awwhh how nice...I'm up for anything when it comes to breaking Jed down like a cheap tent!
I did the ad.
Oh - Stevens put it up.
Yeah - he is quite a contributor... dick.
No perm... not enough hair to do that anymore.
LMAO
We are going to Sara Evans/Brad Paisley tonight and Brad Paisley is uber hot so that makes me happy.
I kinda feel bad for Dan - needing to take all of his life issues out on me... but that is cool. Now, if only I could understand his need to spend soooo many hours at the fair.
Dude - seriously, what the hell do you do the whole time?
OH MY GOSH JED....there is a list of must see items at the fair -- here are just a few:
1. midget donkeys
2. oreo cows
3. newborn baby pigs
4. State Fair museum
5. Free crap at the Varied Industries building
6. Handmade quilts
7. Cop shop (don't take beer there)
8. Margarita tent
9. Tractors and various equipment
10. 4H exhibits
11. Wrangler butts at Stockmans
12. Clydesdales
13. Sand castle in the Cultural Center
14. Butter Cow
15. Fish and wildlife at the DNR
16. Little hands on the farm
17. New modular homes
18. Iowa tourism building
I agree with deit -- you cannot take in the whole fair in just one day.
Kj's going more than me Jack... It's fun muthafucka.. I like to people watch, I like to eat everything in sight and it's THE FAIR
Number 11 is my favorite
LMAO
What's a Wrangler butt at Stockmans?
Urnotme:I didn't actually click the link, and I was actually kidding about it being one of us. I had no idea it was so true, so true.
I think all of those are my favorites, but I like to pet the newborn piggies because they are cute. And...the midget donkeys have spikey hair so that's fun too.
Wrangler butts --- you don't know what those are???
That's when really hot cowboys wear really tight Wrangler jeans and it makes their butts look very attractive. And they are drinking beer at Stockman's - the leanto on the cattle barn. Very great bar -- has a massive cowboy hat on top of the bar.
I know kern.. i was just joking man!
KJ you forgot the clown in the midway that insults everyone!
I have never heard of midget donkeys... I think you are making it up to entice me!
I like that clown guy... for about 10 seconds.
Not so sure about the cowboy butts.
I like looking at the skanky chicks... but then there are skanky little girls... and I start to feel sick for our society!
And there goes Deit! Filthy!
I have never made it to the midway - not once in the 20 some years that I have been going to the fair.
I am not making up the midget donkeys. They are in the Avenue of Breeds in the swine barn. Great place. Love it.
Why do you skip the midway?
Skanky little girls? Like Prostit-tots?
Why no midway?
CARNIES
LMAO KERN
PROSTI-TOTS!!!!
Is that a Kern original?!?! That is gold!!!
prostit-tots...that was good. Some mommies are totally unaware of how they are dressing their children. Makes me sad.
No midway - have never found the time for it - too much other stuff to see. Though I do love carnies in a sad and pathetic way so maybe I'll see is Dan wants to be my bodyguard while I play some skeeball and ride the ferris wheel.
I don't think it's mine, but at the same time I can't remember where I would have heard it. We'll give it to me with an asterisk.
After all, the carnies always seem to hit on me when I go places like midways and Adventureland. They can't keep their dirty, grimy hands off me. I think they want me to join them as one of the freak show people. Agghghhhhhh
Yeah I know what you mean Krysta.. same stuff happens to me all the time.
Wow.
Point:Heimley.
Last night - walking back from the flick, I see this little 8 or 9 year old girl - dressed like a slut... pushing on this kid twice her age... making flirty comments.
I almost puked on my super sweet green crew shirt!
Then I waited and vomited on Josh's bed at home.
Honestly - it was a sign of the apocolypse!
I figured as much urnotme.
Deit --- that would be hilarious in a sad and sick way.
Will you take pictures and post them on the blog??
Well - actually, Stevens and midget donkeys was enough for me to want to go.
Prosti-tots anger me.
See all this fair stuff goes against everything the Findlay's believe in. They never really went to the fair. I have successfully converted holly into a normal person.
No Deit.... no.
I recomend Jed going with Deit.
What are you talking about... the Findlay's were actually farmers.
Well - grandpa was anyways.
The fair reminds me of spending hours looking at stupid tractors and farm crap.
Ick. Sounds like she came from the Fisher-Price Lolita playset.
*Lollipop and dirty old foreign with same first and last name sold separately.
Thats because Stevens is a man-whore and wants me to fall to his level - no.
lmao
Kern did you ever see the new version of Lolita - true comedy!
Fair is the best time of the year --- you have to have some appreciation for the hard-working farmers at some point in the year silly Jed.
Plus...the food is amazing!
The Adrian Lyne version?
man whore? wtf
Um I meant the Findlays as in Larry, Deb, Josh, Jed, Holly and the extended Perkins fam.. Not your grandpa-the FARMER.. I didn't know any of your dad's brothers were farmers...hmmm...
open ur mind.. way more to do than the tractors.. I NEVER even go check out the farm equip
there are hot tubs over there though
maybe you could get a prostitot in one
Yeah Lynne version. Crap.
I do appreciate the farmers... I just don't need hours upon hours of boring wandering done in their honor.
Oh - listened to Foo last night - not very good. Crap, forgot to bring with to burn.
How did you get my sis to marry you?
Other than the food - I can't think of anything fun at the fair.
Good point....
The farm machinery is super fun - they show off all the new toys. Dan is uber excited because they took out all the farm equipment at the Minnesota State Fair so we are definitely going to go check out the new tractors and combines.
No no Deit - we were being white trash... not really farmerish.
You just don't have the right attitude or mindset for the fair Jed.
Admittedly, not great. Especially Frank Langella's Quilty Bits flopping around when Humbert shot him.
However, it seemed closer to the actual book than the Kubrick version, which is ironic as hell because Nabokov himself wrote that screenplay. It goes to show so much more can be done in books than in the movies.
OH NO YOU DIDN'T. Take that back deit.
I know.. but I will go... look at chicks.. laugh at trash... eat bad food. Hang with Stevens...
Kern - what was that about?
I particularly enjoyed the sequence on the porch (Irons and Langella) as the bugs fly into the zapper...and this pathetic dramatic lighting happens as each hits.
Pure crap.
I don't like your comment about books and movies. I honestly see them as completely different medias (mediums), both having different ways to touch the viewer/reader.
Sorry Kern - that sounded harsh.. I mean I disagree... not that I "don't like."
Yeah - Deit's fam has been telling others what to do for years!
English upper class bastard!
It's ok - I forgive you this time.
I am completely and totally white trash - I live in a trailer park. However, my parents are not white trash and they are farmers - though small farmers...but we always get fresh sweet corn and super awesome beef.
Sorry, I was distracted by something, I didn't write that correctly.
I meant to say, much more can be passed by censor types. We can read American Psycho and read things that are so shocking disgusting you'd want to ralph, but they can't show a fraction of it on screen because there would be a rally by some Christian organization of some sort telling us we're all going to hell for watching.
Nabokov's screenplay downplayed a lot of the sexual aspects that made the book so shocking, but he knew he'd never be able have it filmed that way especially in 1964 or whenever that was.
Sorry about the confusion.
I have lots of farmers in the old Kern background. My dad even worked on their family farm in Indiana. Don't know how I became so agriculturally challenged, but I am a city boy through and through.
Solid Kern
How did I get holly to marry me???
Have you not SEEN me?????
seriously
OH MY GOD...thanks for that urnotme.
Jed.. got info on the cruise.. call me
Hey no joke KJ
No joke
I'm like David
Is Jed going on the Love Boat? Say hi to Julie the Cruise Director for me. Oh, and that delightful Isaac. That guy is tops!
Like David Copperfield?
I totally trust you.
I hope that if you are all going on a cruise you don't have to sleep next to the help. That's what happened to me - not fun. Oh and as I entered my room the theme from Titanic was playing. Creepy.
lol
You mean cause he got Claudia Schiffer?
I meant the statue
That's hilarious Krysta... That actually happened?
I figured. It was the only odd David I could think to make a joke about. But Claudia dumped his ass though. Now he spends a lot of time with his "little assistant", making it appear in public.
That actually happened. Then I was sunning myself on the top deck at the pool before we embarked to Jamaica and then they blew these really loud horns. So I got up, walked slowly (didn't want to spill my drink) to the very bottom of the boat to retrieve my life vest and then walked really slowly to the top of the boat where they were instructing us to jump in a life boat or over the edge to save ourselves. However...when I got there, I got yelled at and told that if the boat had been going down, I would have died. So..I wonder...if the boat had started sinking in the middle of the night, wouldn't I have drowned before even being woke up because I was sleeping at the bottom of the boat???
Well thanks for that Kern... Are you saying that's my future?
No, I just wanted to make a dirty joke involving David Copperfield.
I hope I succeeded.
OMG that is funny! Wow. We went on our Honeymoon and it was Fanfuckintastic. It was by far the best vacation we have ever taken. Now for this one my mom is offering to pay. Can't really beat that or turn it down, ya know?
You did!
Yessss!
Speaking of dirty jokes, I'm thinking about going to see the Aristocrats tomorrow...
Heck yeah - can I go too (on mom's dime???). I don't know if I'll ever take another cruise, but we are talking about a vacation somewhere (vegas, yellowstone, napa valley, northern minnesota)...who knows?? We are taking Labor Day to go to a little town about 20 miles from freaking Canada.
When is the cruise.
I'll be back in a bit, I'm going to get some coffee at Starbucks.
Stevens - call me
on the phone with dish network
give me a minute
That sounds fun Krysta Jo
and Yes I love my mommy
Wow...Jed...you are demanding.
Josh here just want to say a shout of thanks for all that sent their congrats to me on the blog here.
Peace Out Players
Deuce didn't even get one star it deserved some love!
Did Josh just say Peace out Players? Isn't that like 1995/96??
Yeah - I know.
They invited me on the cruise.. we are talking $'s and how much time to collect dough.
I am burning with envy wantin my mother to take me on a cruise!
Dan's fam treats me pretty well - got to jet ski 5 or 6 times this year.. with free lunch each time!
answer ur phone
Krysta I am old school Dan and Jed can atest to that!
Josh's cerebellum seized in 1997 - thanks for pointing out his problems KJ - you are soooooo mean!
Shua - shout out accepted.
Now go pee in front of some women.
In josh's defense .. Peace Out Playa is from that Zach Braff(sp) movie too
I wasn't being mean - I was merely pointing out that Josh (who is now Shua ... is that Christopher is now Topher??) uses old school slang.....
lol yeah
hey queen
do you also go by queenie on here?
Hi queenb... wait... I thought you changed your name to queenie!
Awh cool
I'm off to shower...
Dream all you want ya'll
I'm out for ladies lunch.
Maybe I'll run into y'all at the fair. Have a great weekend!
since we are all jumping ship - talk later.. gotta work.
yo
Aw, the minute I come back everyone's gone...what a pisser.
so lame... so lame.
Hey did u call my mom
yeah - its on!
i could not find the cruise package on the carnival web site... any suggestions
yeah - don't be a tool.
Good post, thanks.
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON??!?!?!
This is getting ri-goddamn-diculous!
I dunno. You'd think there would be a way to block these fucking troglodytes.
I just deleted it... and selected remove forever.. not sure if that would stop it!
who posted that?
just a sec jed on that link
carnival.com
then on the left go to quick pricing\
first drop down box select under caribbean- eastern carribean
second drop down box select 7-9 days
third drop down box-select november
then register
very quick
then pick a cruise and make sure it's not in the first week-2weeks of novemeber and go to CRUISE DETAILS
then go to view shore excursions
"sister seeks the comfort of cream items"
"Diner is the time where Uncle Jim espouses his fundamentalist dogma"
"You'll pay hayseed"
Farm tidbits compliments of MST3000.....
Wow, that first one is gold, Sheriff.
There was a MST3K that was awesome, where they mocked a home ec film that was made at Iowa State in the fifties. Great stuff.
So motherfucken true, So motherfucken true
Sweet monkey pic... is that someone we know?
Nope. But his site has a pic of Klaus Kinski and a naked woman though. Just what I need to be surprised with at work.
I do, however, give him major props for being a backgammon player, as there are so few of us floating around these days.
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