This is brought to you buy the QueenB: "People watching at Oceans of Fun was crazy. I saw a midget in the wave pool. I was nervous she wouldn’t make it. "
I was leaving the parking garage on Friday, heading to the arts festival, and came upon a 60ish white haired dude making it with his 50ish honey. She had her hand down his pants.
I bolted for the stairs - stabbing my eyes as I ran.
I was wandering through a random airport in our fair country one day and wound up walking to the wrong terminal simply because I was following a midget couple who were holding hands. I thought it was sweet and I couldn't stop staring.
Yesterday on my drive home I passed a motorcycle on a country road and I had to look twice because I thought it was my grandma driving. I was wrong. It was her 85 year old neighbor lady.
Also...one day I was in the Wal-Mart in Perry, Georgia, and I saw a very nicely dressed African-American midget. This must be a rarity because I had never seen such a thing. I took a second loop through the aisle to verify that is what I saw.
If what was said on this blog stayed on this blog I think I could drop a nice little midget story, but will not due to the after affects of said story.
Kern - you grand bastard!!! Well done. Who knew that my love of Small Wonder would find a mate!
Do you remember the episode where Ted is in Arabia and has some young kid ruler he is trying to work with... and lets Vicki the robot get drafted into his harem.... priceless!!
A: In some circles, a midget is the term used for a proportionate dwarf. However, the term has fallen into disfavor and is considered offensive by most people of short stature. The term dates back to 1865, the height of the "freak show" era, and was generally applied only to short-statured persons who were displayed for public amusement, which is why it is considered so unacceptable today.
Such terms as dwarf, little person, LP, and person of short stature are all acceptable, but most people would rather be referred to by their name than by a label.
I find the last part of this "rather be referred to by their name" oddly intriguing. Like if I saw a midget, I would just yell out "MIDGET" to get his/her attention? I usually have more manners than that!
Dude - that was like 2nd season... the show was in its prime then... I am talking 4th season... when Tiffany Brissette was coked out and hating her TV robot persona....
Jed: Yeah, towards the end she didn't even seem to try sounding like a robot anymore. It just sounded like someone who was extremely burnt out and bored. Why couldn't they have built her a big sister who was in college?
Now that would have been a recipe for success. She could have been amply proportioned, and the cast could have made jokes ad nauseum about her "Little Wonders".
While we're on the subject of co-eds, you wouldn't happen to know any who like drinking beer and getting saucy with charming out of town guests would you?
Saw a Mexican Midget in the fair town of Muscatine....oooh..ooohh and I also saw a midget girl leaning on a bench felt kinda bad for her. I wanted to pick her up and put her on the bench. I feel so dirrrrttyyy should have used LP
Years ago my mum used to work for a non-profit organization for special needs persons to receive home training to be self-sufficient. As a kid I would sometimes have to go to her work after school, if my older sister was not going to be home to watch my sister and me. I just remember being the shortest kid in my class and thinking I would never get taller and then I met some of the Little Persons that were there. Even at that age, I realized it could have been much worse, and that at least in my case it wasn't forever.
I have never seen a Mexican midget, so I am definitely jealous of you Buttercup.
I will think about some of my friends - but keep in mind that I am by far the most normal and socially-acceptable. Maybe I can get my sister to join me that weekend.
Scenes can be cool...but what I need is some definite debauchery. Something that will make people here realize that I'm not a 55 year old man in the chiseled(read doughy) body of a 26 year old man.
Some tales that make the most hardened disbeliever in my youthfulness stand up and say, "Hot Damn, the Kern is still, dare I say it, SPICY!"
That's what we need, by God. We can do it in our lifetime. If we pull together, there can be lewd and lascivious behavior in our time!
Well - if we are going to reach those kind of heights (and man, no pressure on the event or anything) we are going to have to include some violence and nudity. Perhaps we can have our evil midgets sacrifice an attendee to the house gods... then we can strip Jer naked and make him do the dance of joy.
I have absolutely nothing to do with the towel incident. I cannot believe you don't believe me Jed.
It's sad to say but I don't have a super lot of single female friends. I have been scouring my brain for names, and very few come to mind. I'm one of the last rebels, one of the few who have yet to fall into the arena of wedded bliss.
I bet the mexican LP would be the only person to realy be full after ordering from the newly pimpted "I'm Full" Value Menu at Taco Bell...I ate two value choices in one sitting and they didn't do squat to curb my hunger!
Maybe I should have eaten the LP along with my value meal? Mmmmmm....LP......
Good point, Sheriff. Though methinks that eating an LP would cause a wee bit of indigestion.
Also, I have not partaken in the Big Bell Value Menu, however, I can eat there like there is no tomorrow. I can usually eat 3 or 4 Chalupas followed by several crispy tacos. I am a hearty eater by God. I want my value menu to reflect that. Is that so wrong?
By the way, we don't have a Hardees here. I am dying to try that Monster Thickburger everyone has been wringing their hands about. Do they sell them in DM?
You are in luck - one of the last remaining Hardees in Iowa that is south of Hwy 30 is in Des Moines. I believe on my random trip through Des Moines looking for the concert, I passed one. It was rather scurvy, but if you do the drive-through you might live. I seriously suggest you hit up a Sonic. I love them!
Yes they do and tator tots so very much rule this world. The only thing better would be if I could get a little cup of applesauce on the side. It would be just like kindergarten all over again...minus the stinky boys, cooties and afternoon naps.
Wow, that sounds awesome. I think there may still be a Hardee's in Clive from the website's little map. That Monster Thickburger looks like a delight, and one that taunts my deprived Pacific Northwest Tastebuds.
No I have never had those. I tend to stick with things that are easy to order in the drive-through (ie: things I recognize like tacos, burritos, etc.).
Oh, and in response to an earlier comment, even if you don't bring a carload of cute co-eds, you bringing your lovely self over will be more than adequate.
Mexirolls are great road food though. Because they are self-contained, fried, and not too messy unless you try to dip them in the excellent nacho cheese. That is the best side for them by the way.
They are flour, and they are rolled with beef and refried beans and then fried. You get about 4 of them per pack and your choice of dipping sauce. I vote Nacho Cheese. Also good with sour cream.
Ohhhhh YUMMY. I am not a corn tortilla kind of girl so I shy away from those, but the mexi-rolls sound great. Maybe if I ever leave work tonight, I'll swing by.
Ooh, if you do, let me know how they were. I just remember them being so awesome. It was the last meal I had with anyone before I left Des Moines for Seattle.
Not counting me eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch out of a plastic cup with the movers the next morning.
1. The Dark Knight 2. Wall-E 3. Tropic Thunder/Iron Man 4. In Bruges 5. Speed Racer 6. Forgetting Sarah Marshall 7. The Incredible Hulk 8. 27 Dresses 9. Sex and the City 10. Step Brothers/Sex Drive (tie)
Top Ten Films of 2007
1. No Country for Old Men 2. There Will Be Blood 3. Once 4. Atonement 5. The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters 6. Juno 7. Zodiac 8. Michael Clayton 9. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford 10. Superbad
72 comments:
Midgets paddling for life - killer!
I was leaving the parking garage on Friday, heading to the arts festival, and came upon a 60ish white haired dude making it with his 50ish honey. She had her hand down his pants.
I bolted for the stairs - stabbing my eyes as I ran.
In keeping with the midget theme...
I was wandering through a random airport in our fair country one day and wound up walking to the wrong terminal simply because I was following a midget couple who were holding hands. I thought it was sweet and I couldn't stop staring.
Yesterday on my drive home I passed a motorcycle on a country road and I had to look twice because I thought it was my grandma driving. I was wrong. It was her 85 year old neighbor lady.
I am seriously lauging the hell out loud and horrified at the same time.
and you asked ME if I'm from the south?????
Anyone ever partaken in viewing midget porn?
... anyone?
Also...one day I was in the Wal-Mart in Perry, Georgia, and I saw a very nicely dressed African-American midget. This must be a rarity because I had never seen such a thing. I took a second loop through the aisle to verify that is what I saw.
My friend went to midget wrestling. Does that count? Also, my graphic design professor at BVU was married to a midget.
You have a creepy need to follow midgets.
Not need. I prefer to call it a sick addiction. I am attracted to other people's differences (ie: missing finger, midget love, etc.).
everywhere i go i see midgets....ah corse i am freakishly tall...and handsome....
sheriff
I simply cannot put people down for their oddities (such as the Sheriff's tallness) because, after all, I have freakishly long toes (AKA finger toes).
AHHHH! Finger toes!!! You never told me that!!
And I almost... went out to try on boots with you!!!
Sheriff - you are amazing with your heighth... somehow when we spoon - you can be the big spoon... or the small!
It is really cool to see
If what was said on this blog stayed on this blog I think I could drop a nice little midget story, but will not due to the after affects of said story.
Finger toes?
Gross
I am freakishly long.
Winded.
Long Winded.
Yeah, that's what she said.
uh, why wouldn't they be able to?
Is that how you got addicted?
My finger toes are actually really pretty because they aren't otherwise freakish and they match my feet very well. GOSH.
I have often wondered about midget pregnancy.
I did watch the MTV "Real Life: I'm a midget" about 4 times and it still makes me laugh.
It is sad to see nice girls, like Queen B, lost in the world of Midget porn. The desperate cries for more filth... are unbearable.
I did see this sweet ass one called "Small Wonder!"
Killin' me
I have heard rumors that midgets can have normal sized kids. Wouldn't that be odd?
In my search to find a scientific answer for Queen B, this is what I came across...
http://www.littlepeoplemeet.com/
I suppose now the Dept of Energy people are after me for looking at this on a "government" computer.
Jed: I didn't realize that your self-gratification material included a horribly executed sitcom about a family with a robotic daughter.
Diff'rent Strokes, eh?
kern to the rescue...
Kern - you grand bastard!!! Well done. Who knew that my love of Small Wonder would find a mate!
Do you remember the episode where Ted is in Arabia and has some young kid ruler he is trying to work with... and lets Vicki the robot get drafted into his harem.... priceless!!
random.
Q: What is a midget?
A: In some circles, a midget is the term used for a proportionate dwarf. However, the term has fallen into disfavor and is considered offensive by most people of short stature. The term dates back to 1865, the height of the "freak show" era, and was generally applied only to short-statured persons who were displayed for public amusement, which is why it is considered so unacceptable today.
Such terms as dwarf, little person, LP, and person of short stature are all acceptable, but most people would rather be referred to by their name than by a label.
I find the last part of this "rather be referred to by their name" oddly intriguing. Like if I saw a midget, I would just yell out "MIDGET" to get his/her attention? I usually have more manners than that!
I don't recall that one. I do, however, wonder about something else.
Is it just me or did Ted and his wife seem a little sexually repressed?
Also, remember the one when their son Jamie tried chewing tobacco? And he swallowed it?
Ha ha. Awesome!
Dude - that was like 2nd season... the show was in its prime then... I am talking 4th season... when Tiffany Brissette was coked out and hating her TV robot persona....
Jed: Yeah, towards the end she didn't even seem to try sounding like a robot anymore. It just sounded like someone who was extremely burnt out and bored. Why couldn't they have built her a big sister who was in college?
Now that would have been a recipe for success. She could have been amply proportioned, and the cast could have made jokes ad nauseum about her "Little Wonders".
While we're on the subject of co-eds, you wouldn't happen to know any who like drinking beer and getting saucy with charming out of town guests would you?
Did you just say saucy?
Indeed.
KJ: Uh, you wouldn't happen to know any who like drinking beer and getting saucy with charming out of town guests would you?
KJ - bring a group of em if you please!
Saw a Mexican Midget in the fair town of Muscatine....oooh..ooohh and I also saw a midget girl leaning on a bench felt kinda bad for her. I wanted to pick her up and put her on the bench. I feel so dirrrrttyyy should have used LP
Years ago my mum used to work for a non-profit organization for special needs persons to receive home training to be self-sufficient. As a kid I would sometimes have to go to her work after school, if my older sister was not going to be home to watch my sister and me. I just remember being the shortest kid in my class and thinking I would never get taller and then I met some of the Little Persons that were there. Even at that age, I realized it could have been much worse, and that at least in my case it wasn't forever.
And the filth from left field comes courtesy of miss Buttercup!
I now have visions of you holding some midget like a baby... and the LP is trying desperately to escape!
And I second Jed's plea to KJ to bring some cute co-eds round...
I have never seen a Mexican midget, so I am definitely jealous of you Buttercup.
I will think about some of my friends - but keep in mind that I am by far the most normal and socially-acceptable. Maybe I can get my sister to join me that weekend.
Why do I get the feeling that I will be pummelled with towels during the Kern celebration.
Why?
KJ is a cad... notorious for such displays of affection. With her sister there - she will be apt to cause a scene.
Scenes can be cool...but what I need is some definite debauchery. Something that will make people here realize that I'm not a 55 year old man in the chiseled(read doughy) body of a 26 year old man.
Some tales that make the most hardened disbeliever in my youthfulness stand up and say, "Hot Damn, the Kern is still, dare I say it, SPICY!"
That's what we need, by God. We can do it in our lifetime. If we pull together, there can be lewd and lascivious behavior in our time!
Well - if we are going to reach those kind of heights (and man, no pressure on the event or anything) we are going to have to include some violence and nudity. Perhaps we can have our evil midgets sacrifice an attendee to the house gods... then we can strip Jer naked and make him do the dance of joy.
I have absolutely nothing to do with the towel incident. I cannot believe you don't believe me Jed.
It's sad to say but I don't have a super lot of single female friends. I have been scouring my brain for names, and very few come to mind. I'm one of the last rebels, one of the few who have yet to fall into the arena of wedded bliss.
Wedded bliss... is that like doing smack?
Are you in class with any sweet young co-eds?
Actually they don't have to be that young. Just co-eds...preferably cute.
The word smack reminds me of that cereal with Dig 'Em the frog.
That was a tasty cereal.
Slipping out folks... more talk of coke laced cereal and non-existent co-eds tomorrow!
Pleasure having Buttercup join the fun... and Queen B too.
Everyone else - YO!
I prefer crank.
Anyway...no...the only girls in my Stats class are foreign or weird and annoying. Take your pick.
But are they cute?
Ah, well. Can't blame a single, desperate guy for trying.
I only know one of the foreign girls and she's awesome but I don't think she's into partying. The annoying girls are not cute. They are annoying.
I'll try to find some more cute girls for you Alex. But...don't be surprised if I show up alone.
I bet the mexican LP would be the only person to realy be full after ordering from the newly pimpted "I'm Full" Value Menu at Taco Bell...I ate two value choices in one sitting and they didn't do squat to curb my hunger!
Maybe I should have eaten the LP along with my value meal? Mmmmmm....LP......
sheriff
let the revolt begin
Good point, Sheriff. Though methinks that eating an LP would cause a wee bit of indigestion.
Also, I have not partaken in the Big Bell Value Menu, however, I can eat there like there is no tomorrow. I can usually eat 3 or 4 Chalupas followed by several crispy tacos. I am a hearty eater by God. I want my value menu to reflect that. Is that so wrong?
By the way, we don't have a Hardees here. I am dying to try that Monster Thickburger everyone has been wringing their hands about. Do they sell them in DM?
You are in luck - one of the last remaining Hardees in Iowa that is south of Hwy 30 is in Des Moines. I believe on my random trip through Des Moines looking for the concert, I passed one. It was rather scurvy, but if you do the drive-through you might live. I seriously suggest you hit up a Sonic. I love them!
I wonder if the Monster Thickburger is any good. Strangely, I have never been to a Sonic in my life.
For nostalgia purposes, I might try to get out to a Taco Johns. I haven't had a Mexiroll in 6 years...
Oh I LOVE the Taco John's. Potato Oles!!!
If you can swing it, you must go to Sonic and have a grilled cheese, medium tator tots and a strawberry limeade. That's my idea of a perfect lunch.
Do they fry the tots? I LOVE fried Tater tots!
Yes they do and tator tots so very much rule this world. The only thing better would be if I could get a little cup of applesauce on the side. It would be just like kindergarten all over again...minus the stinky boys, cooties and afternoon naps.
Wow, that sounds awesome. I think there may still be a Hardee's in Clive from the website's little map. That Monster Thickburger looks like a delight, and one that taunts my deprived Pacific Northwest Tastebuds.
Did you ever have the Mexirolls at Taco Juan's?
No I have never had those. I tend to stick with things that are easy to order in the drive-through (ie: things I recognize like tacos, burritos, etc.).
I like applesauce as well.
Oh, and in response to an earlier comment, even if you don't bring a carload of cute co-eds, you bringing your lovely self over will be more than adequate.
Mexirolls are great road food though. Because they are self-contained, fried, and not too messy unless you try to dip them in the excellent nacho cheese. That is the best side for them by the way.
Oh my. Now I have been called lovely. Today has been an outstanding day for me on the blog. So many compliments, so little time!!
What exactly are mexi-rolls? Are they corn tortillas or flour tortillas?
They are flour, and they are rolled with beef and refried beans and then fried. You get about 4 of them per pack and your choice of dipping sauce. I vote Nacho Cheese. Also good with sour cream.
It's got the Kern's seal of approval!
Ohhhhh YUMMY. I am not a corn tortilla kind of girl so I shy away from those, but the mexi-rolls sound great. Maybe if I ever leave work tonight, I'll swing by.
Ooh, if you do, let me know how they were. I just remember them being so awesome. It was the last meal I had with anyone before I left Des Moines for Seattle.
Not counting me eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch out of a plastic cup with the movers the next morning.
Well, Hell's Belles, it's nearly time for this cat to peel on out of here.
As usual, 'twas fun. Have a Mexiroll for me. I want details!
I am, but I'm guessing you are not.
I'm here too.
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